You see, the symptoms got better, but didn’t really go away. When I did the post that I got tested and was still neg, the reason why I went in was because I still had symptoms and wanted to find out what was going on. That time I had a full battery of STD tests and they all came back negative. So if the symptoms persisted then I probably didn’t have anything the first time.

Which makes me wonder what was going on…

So two or three weeks ago there were a couple days when I had a little pain in my balls (probably epyditimus), but it went away and I didn’t think anything of it. Then this past Monday I suddenly had pretty bad discharge again as well as pain while pissing.

I’ve been working a lot lately and since I work at home I sometimes work on the floor on my stomach. I have a desk with an Aeron chair, but there are times when I just like to lay on the floor. On top of that you have to realize that I didn’t jack off in the traditional sense until I was in college. To cum I always humped the bed in sorta this one man frottage sorta thing. In fact, I really used to like frottage when I came out. Did a lot of it and since it was the height of the AIDS epidemic it probably helped keep me neg (especially since my bf turned out to be poz). My favorite used to be to have the bottom cum and then rub my dick in his cum. Felt really great.

Anyway, getting back on track here… I’ve sorta noticed that when I do a lot of “jacking off” while laying on my belly, I tend to get STD-like problems. Part of it is probably ’cause I don’t clean up - I just wear the cum stained underwear and pants around the rest of the day. I can smell the cum a bit and think it’s sorta hot. But my guess is the cum probably goes bad and a ton of bacteria probably invade since it’s a great source of food for them. So it’s probably not all that hygenic, but is good sex ever hygenic? Not that I’d call jacking off good sex, but going out in public smelling like cum is definitely a little edgy…

So when I got discharge on Monday my first thought was that it was related to jacking off - even if it was that the hole for my PA got irritated. I gave it a day or so to clear up but when it didn’t, I made an appointment and went to Callen-Lorde. I got this great NP who seemed like he was in Radical Faeries or something (he had orange nail polish on). Great guy and seemed really competent.

His first reaction was that even though I had discharge I probably didn’t have an STD. The fact that I was coming in monthly with similar symptoms made him think something was up. I also found out the tests from the second time were negative for STDs, but I had an elevated white blood cell count which indicated there was still some type of infection.

The bottom line is that he put me on Levaquin for 7 days and did another round of tests. So unfortunately I’ve had to say no to some hookups I really wanted to do since I can’t say for sure that I don’t have an STD.

The discharge had stopped, but I’ll wait until end of next week to fuck again. In the meantime, I’m jacking off on the floor and smelling like cum!

I’m not saying I think I’ll stay neg forever (who knows?) - just that I’m OK with the risk, and if I become poz some day I’ll just deal with it. But that day isn’t today.

So yesterday my bf and I had had a small argument over the phone. It was over something that cost less than $10 (plus some effort in doing something), so really wasn’t major but neither one of us handled the situation the way we should have. I had forgotten about it by the time he got home, but he hadn’t and he was in this pissy mood. I gave him the better part of an hour to chillout and when he didn’t I figured I’d go out and have a drink and give him more space to cool off.

So the question was where to go… I just wanted some dark bar where I could “be alone in a crowd”, so to speak. I hadn’t been there in years, but Rawhide seemed like it would fit the bill. Rawhide has been around for 30 years now and feels like an old bar (in a good way)… If nothing else I knew there would be go-go dancers I could watch. Rawhide turned out to be a surprisingly good choice…

I wasn’t expecting to talk to anyone. The other day (after the hookup with “the hole” and the research study), I had gone to Gym Bar and, other than some quick remarks about how badly this cute tattooed Latin guy and his female friend where playing pool (it took them 4 tries to hit the balls on the break, and went downhill from there), no one really seemed to want to talk to me. And I was looking really cute that day too - I didn’t get it. But at Rawhide it was completely different…

The first guy to approach me was this handsome older guy (probably 60ish). He said he managed a mostly wholesale business in Brooklyn. He was pretty intense and sorta all over me (with little bit of touching), but while the conversation was nice, there came a time when I wasn’t into it anymore. I went and got a beer and didn’t go back to talk to him.

They had two go-go dancers at the bar - one was a guy who looked like a big, muscular Israeli, the other was a black guy with a huge dick who must have taken Viagra^® or something, ’cause it never went soft - the whole night. When the Israeli got done dancing he spent like 20+ minutes talking to an older guy. It was really clear the Israeli guy was looking for “work” when he got done go-go dancing. Then there was this other beautifully built guy who was fully clothed but always talking to older guys… Him I tagged for an escort as well. It was weird seeing so much escort work going on at a “neighborhood bar”. At the same time it was discrete - I talked to two “regulars” (below) who had no idea there was escorting going on. They were looking right at it and not understanding what they were seeing. I guess it helps having been an escort to understand what was going on…

One of the weirder parts was there was this guy who brought a female co-worker into the place and they stayed for a long time. She wasn’t the type you’d expect to hang out at Rawhide (at least not for very long)… Very weird, but the guy who she was with was pretty cute (and really short too!)

There were two guys playing pool most of the night - a cute little one and another one who looked a tad “alternative” (all black clothes, shaved head, goatee)… We chatted for a while and when the cute little guy heard my theory on the escorting going on he went right up to the Israeli guy and after some serious flirting and a $5 tip, asked him what his price would be for a night… Turns out the guy charges $600…

As the night wore on it was really clear the ‘alternative’ guy was into me. In fact, it got to a point where he was sort of all over me, we were kissing, feeling each other up, etc. He saw my wedding ring early on, and made it clear he knew there were limits. When I said I wasn’t looking to hookup, he said he expected as much… Still, I was drunk (4 pints of Stella by that point) and we started making out a bit. He was hard and kept having me grab his ass… I guess it could have been fun, but I don’t “function” that well when I’m drunk and the whole probable chlamydia thing meant it was a no-go even if I had wanted to try…

While we were sorta all over each other there for a while, we didn’t make nearly as much of a scene as the gaggle of bears that were there. Two of them had their shirts either off or pulled over their head showing off their big bellies. And I mean big bellies - these guys were probably 300 lbs or more… And the pants on one of them kept riding low - so there was bear crack to be seen as well. I found it amusing but the cute little guy was a little put off by it.

So all in all it was a really fun night. I haven’t had that much fun at a bar in a long time. Guess I should do it more often…

For the most part, the people who die of AIDS these days are people who don’t get tested and don’t find out they’re poz until it’s too late for treatments to be effective. There’s no need for those deaths… None whatsoever.

If you’re worried what it will mean to test positive - give up that fear and go get tested. Becoming HIV positive today is not the death sentence it once was. In fact, there’s a good chance you’ll die of something else - like old age or in a car accident or something. But that’s not the case if you don’t get tested. Then the chances are you will die of AIDS.

In other words - don’t be afraid of HIV, be afraid of not knowing your poz.

You don’t have to get tested every 3 or 6 months unless you want to. The goal here is to catch your HIV before it starts doing really nasty shit to your body. You’re probably fine if you catch it within a year of infection - but definitely don’t wait more than 2 years between tests. There are strains of HIV that are more aggressive than others that need to be treated fairly quickly.

If it’s been more than a year since you had an HIV test, get tested this week…

Last night when I was laying on the floor playing with my dog I noticed a book on my shelf - “Epitaphs for the Living“. It was published in 1989 and I bought it shortly after I came out. It’s an incredibly somber book. Has pictures of people with AIDS with their hand written notes below the picture. I want to quote from some of them…

There’s a picture of two guys sitting on a bed. One has his arm around the other… Each gave their perspective, but one is especially poignant…

Life is such a precious gift! It has been very hard to watch life melt away from the one I love and I can do nothing but be there and love him with all my heart. I love you Pat.

Another picture is of a guy in a turtle neck most guys would say was pretty hot…

Thank you, Billy, for a beautiful photograph. Its how I want to be remembered; happy, attractive, self satisifid and content with lie. But in many ways the photo doesn’t look like me. · It doesn’t show the K.S. lesions growing on my face + body. · It doesn’t show that I am half blind · It doesn’t show the fact that I’ve had 3 bouts of Pneumocystis Pneumonia in the past year and a half · It doesn’t show the fear I have of what may happen to my health either tomorrow or 6 months down the road · It doesn’t show the sadness, not only my own, but the sadness I feel every time I walk down the street and see friends and acquaintances who have been diagnosed. · It doesn’t show the anger I feel at having about 1/2 of my life whipped out from under my feet at the age of 30. · It doesn’t show the great discontent and anger I have form our government for having ignored this epidemic for so long while people were dying in every city in our country. · It doesn’t show the great amount of love + compassion I feel from my family, community + friends. · And most of all it doesn’t show the tremendous need for all sexually active people to learn about AIDS to protect themselves and their loved ones so the y won’t have to go through my pain or the pain of so many others who have gone before me and will continue to go after me.

David Brewster
San Francisco, CA
Diagnosed Oct 31, 1986

Then there’s a photo of a guy sitting in a barber’s chair in what looks like the middle of a living room or sun porch. He looks about 40…

Sometimes I find myself siting all alone wondering, after two years since diagnosis, where I will find the strength to continue to live with AIDS. I think living with AIDS can be the hardest part, not the dieing [sic].

Johnnie

Then there’s a picture of a black man looking out a window at a hospital. He’s wearing a denim jacket and glasses…

Being tested HIV positive has not been easy. You can’t really set any goals, except to thank God for letting you see the breaking of a new day, a day that none of us have ever seen before. I take one day at a time and hope for the next day…

Jim

Then there’s a picture of a very weak looking guy named Dave in a hospital bed. His friend/lover is at the end of the room looking out the window…

I just wanted to say how scared I was, I’m so sick of being sick I can’t stand it. The cancer on my skin has gotten so bad I’m afraid to be seen in public. I thank God for the support of all my friends especially Ernie and Michael and to know that they are there. It’s just sometimes for me it’s hard. Its hard being the one that’s always smiling and saying everything is okay. Sometimes I feel like its not okay. After working all the years I’ve worked I finally made a name for myself. It’s all taken away. I don’t want to have to settle for that. People say you should be happy to be alive. This to me is not living. But I’ll be okay. I’ll go to sleep and wake up tomorrow and everything will be fine again.

When I found I had AIDS it didn’t bother me as far as knowing I was going to die. Dieing doesn’t scare me, but leaving my friends did. I was always afraid of what was going to happen. I guess I was still scared…

Dave died before the book was published. His friends transcribed his words from audio cassette.

Which reminds me, one of the things I wish I had done before my lover died was to record his voice. I’ve forgotten what his voice sounded like…

Damn… I’m sitting here barely able to see the screen through my tears. All of you guys who think I don’t remember what it was like - that I’m somehow spitting on the graves of those who died - fuck you. I do remember. It’s just things are very different now. Very very different.

That was a time of death. Now we’re in a time of living. A lot of people who went through that are still very angry and their fears about things like HIV are very deep seated. I get that - this post has been really difficult to write because I went through it too.

While things have changed, if you don’t get tested your experience will be like the guys above rather than the healthy poz guys you see around you living normal lives.

Please get tested… Know your HIV status so you can live a long healthy life…

I’m not sure how I feel about it though… I mean this means the organization behind inSPOT could have a database of guys who are getting STDs… I prefer to tell guys myself when it happens (and appreciate it when guys tell me)… But I guess it’s better than nothing…

One of the big limitations is that you need the guy’s e-mail address. It’s too bad they haven’t partnered with the major hookup sites so you can send the same message to say a Manhunt profile.

No matter how you do it - tell partners they may have been exposed… STDs are a drag and if we’re just honest with each other and get them treated quickly, they’ll spread less which means fewer STDs for everyone - including you!

The timing was too perfect - I’m 90% sure I got it from the guy the townhouse guy had me fuck. I also told the 20-year old I fucked briefly about it, but I doubt it was him, or any of the other guys before him. It’s theoretically possible, but far more likely it was the first guy.

So, having been busy with work, I wasn’t able to get to Callen-Lorde to get things cleared up until this weekend. I noticed on their website that it talked about a Saturday morning walk-in STD clinic, so I figured I’d give that a shot. Having been to the free clinic the City runs, I was prepared and got there early - absurdly early. I was the first one there. And I waited and waited. When they officially started seeing patients an hour later it was just me and one other guy waiting to be seen. There must be times when it’s busy, but today wasn’t one of them.

There are a lot of good things about Callen-Lorde, but today was one of my best experiences ever. The staff was in a super happy mood. There was zero hassle - they asked what the problem was, and gave the fix with zero judgments (unlike the last time)…

So, I’d highly recommend trying out the Saturday clinic if you’re in need of their services or just want to get checked out…

One weird thing though… Later in the day I saw two of the guys who work at Callen-Lorde walking down the street. Didn’t think anything of it ’cause it was right near Callen-Lorde. Then a few hours later we’re in line at Uniqlo buying t-shirts (another recommended spot), and who’s behind us in line? The two guys from Callen-Lorde, plus another friend. Weird coincidence, eh?

And speaking of STDs and coincidences, right after I picked up my pills at the pharmacy I got an e-mail from the big dicked top who was at the gangbang telling me one of his fuck buddies tested positive for syph, he was being proactive and warning the guys he’d had sex with. Personally, I think that was a bit of overkill. There’s no saying he had syph… Personally I would have gotten myself tested before notifying people I’d had sex with… But he was being really responsible about it (he even contacted the bottom before contacting me)… I give him great marks for being upfront about it…

And as always guys… If you’re fucking around a bunch - get tested for STDs regularly and treat things quickly. If you find you have something, let your partners know. If they have a problem with you telling them - they’re idiots… Stopping the spread of STDs makes everyone’s sex lives better!

However… The day after my last hookup it became abundantly clear that I had gonorrhea. It’s a pain in the ass (or dick in my case), but it happens. Like a good responsible top I contacted everyone who might have possibly gotten it from me (or who might have possibly given it to me) - five of them in all (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)…

I’ve had clap once (or twice?) in the past, but this time it was really pretty gross… Produced a lot of discharge and was really painful (not just when I was pissing). Unfortunately I had to wait until Monday to get things cleared up.

Then I got a message on Sunday from a hot guy who wanted to hookup. I told him I couldn’t - that I needed to clear up an STD - get back to me in a week… That was in the morning. In the evening he writes me and says…

u just have the clap. its kinda a non issue to me, i can get penicillin too. tonight perhaps?

My jaw dropped… I mean this wasn’t some skanky drugged out cumdump… This was the type of guy I would go out of my way to fuck - he really was pretty hot and totally my type…

Let’s put aside for the moment the medical issues of getting and STD. How does he think it’s worth it to have a quick hookup that requires him to spend hours going to a clinic, waiting, seeing a doctor, and getting a shot? I mean, in the least, it’s a significant inconvenience. It’s one thing when it’s an accident, but to willingly do a hookup knowing you’ll get gonorrhea is something completely different.

Lately I seem to be encountering more and more guys who are just being reckless/careless… Barebacking isn’t inherently reckless - you can be completely sober, and purposeful and still have a great time being a total pig. It’s just sad to see guys spiraling… I’ve always been a bit of a control freak, so it just doesn’t make sense to me…

So I went in Monday night to get things “fixed”. They did a quick HIV test and it came back negative, as I expected. The HIV counselor was great. The doctor doing the other tests was a bit old school. He gave me a lecture on how I should use condoms, and insisted on testing my butt for stuff despite the fact I told him nothing goes in there… And then he gave me prescriptions for STDs I didn’t have assuming if I had one STD, I must have 35 others. Whatever… Got my shot and everything has cleared up…

So guys - please take STDs seriously… Get yourself tested regularly, go to a clinic when you think you might have something, and notify your partners when you find out you do have something. ‘Cause frankly - our time is better spent fucking than waiting at clinics to get rid of STDs.

Yeah, why not have goals of licking ebola and plague out of someone’s bloody ass? I mean - get a grip! And HIV aside, you must have contracted or spread at least a few viral or bacterial agents while doing your load goal making. Like warts/HPV, hepatitis C, syphillis. Crabs! Now fess up - the butcher’s bill, as it were. What else did you give and get while loading these folks up?

His melodrama is incredible, but nonetheless this post answers his questions - thing is, he’s not going to like what he hears - but then again, he never does…

For starters - a little education… Hepatitis C is something that is nearly always passed in blood-to-blood contact - so it’s an issue primarily for IV drug users, not barebackers (unless they’re slamming crystal). Yes, if my dick were bleeding at the same time some guy’s ass were bleeding it would be possible for me to get Hep C, but the chances of that are close to nill.

When I was younger I was avid about having so-called “safe sex”. I even had two safe sex posters on the wall in my dorm room (grad school), across from my bed… So I think it bears mentioning that during my safe sex phase I was constantly getting crabs and even managed to get Hepatitis B! I remember a time when I was feeling a little down (not too bad) and I remember the whites of my eyes being a little yellow. A friend commented about it, but I didn’t feel all that bad, so I didn’t go to see a doctor. Years later I got vaccinated for Hep A and B and I remember one of the shots making my shoulder really sore. After the vaccination they checked to see if the vaccines worked and realized I had had Hep B previously, my body fought it off, and I was now permanently immune.

A few years after that I had a friend who nearly died of Hep B - they almost didn’t find a liver soon enough, and even after the liver transplant he still has issues… So yeah, I was lucky, but the fact of the matter is “safe sex” isn’t safe - it’s just safer… My most serious STD came from safe sex - and it was an STD that could have killed me.

[BTW, if you get crabs, trim your pubic hair really short and wash all your clothes and bedding in really hot water. You don't need the combs and nasty liquids if you just trim your pubes. I had to keep my pubes trimmed to avoid crabs - did that for quite a while (made my dick look bigger too...)]

I think it was around 2002 I had an outbreak of genital warts. I wasn’t hooking up much at the time and it’s hard to say when I actually got the warts since they can lie dormant for months or years. Something like 40% of gay men have them and (like most STDs) they can be contracted when you’re using a condom. [BTW, if you have warts treat them early with freezing or lasers. You do not want to have them spread and go through the pain of getting rid of them from inside your ass... I know a few guys who've had to do it and it's extremely painful.]

Otherwise, I’ve gotten a total of two STDs over the past few years (been 100% bareback since the fall of 2004, and about 50/50 before that)… Gonorrhea in 2001 from barebacking at a bathhouse in LA (Flex), and chlamydia early last year.

As far as passing things on to others… My bf had to take two pills in 2001 since he had sucked my dick before I realized I had gonorrhea - but it was just preventative - he didn’t have any sign of it. The chlamydia was more serious in that I had no idea I had it (which is pretty typical) and don’t know how many guys I fucked before I found out. I contacted 2 or 3 of my regular fuck buddies and they got tested and all came back clean.

‘Ewelthorpe’ isn’t going to like this, but all in all I’d say I had a worse time with STDs when I was having safe sex. I mean Hep B is serious and I was getting crabs constantly… What little I’ve gotten barebacking either got caught quickly or was so mild there were no symptoms and didn’t get passed onto other guys - even if I fucked them multiple times… Your milage may vary (I expect it to since statistically safe sex reduces STD infections), but that’s been my experience…

Personally I don’t think that’s a horrible STD history for 18 years of sex… Especially since I’ve sometimes barebacked guys who take anonymous loads - if I’m going to get stuff it’s more likely to be from them than anyone else, but yet I really don’t get all that many STDs - years pass between infections…

That said - get yourself vaccinated for Hep A, Hep B and HPV - even if you have “safe sex” and think you’re low risk. It’s just silly to catch something potentially serious and/or painful that you could avoid with a simple vaccination… And if you think you have something - go to a clinic and get treated.

So, if you’re a neg bottom in NYC looking for a recently tested bareback top - let me know…

There are a couple of reasons for the inactivity. Without going into too much detail (”nothing personal…”) I’m self employed and while that means I can hookup in the middle of the day when I’m not busy, it also means that when I am busy I can be completely swamped - and I’ve definitely been swamped. The nervous energy of being worried about being behind with work has sorta killed my drive to seed holes (believe it or not).

The other reason is because I had a call from the doctor saying that when I was tested for STDs in January that I tested positive for chlamydia, which is one of those things you can have and not know it, but even when the call came I hadn’t fucked anyone in over a week so that only really slowed me down for a week or so (I took my pills and had to wait a week).

The weird part was that they didn’t call me for 4 weeks (the results are supposed to come back in two weeks). To me that’s just lame. Who knows how long I had it, but I told some of the guys I fucked and the Brazilian told me he came back completely neg, so apparently I didn’t have it back then. Between him and the test there were 6 hookups (1 2 3 4 5 6) with 5 guys. I’m guessing it was the guy who likes anonymous, blindfolded gangbangs, just ’cause that’s the easiest way to get it, but who knows…

But that’s life… Coulda gotten chlamydia from a blowjob too, so it’s not like I’m going to feel bad about it or anything…

Nevertheless, it’s been a month or so since I got past the week when I wasn’t supposed to have sex, and I still haven’t had sex - so work really has a lot to do with it.

I’ve also had some occasional light pain in my left testicle since some time around the beginning of the year. I thought it might be epididymitis caused by the chlamydia, but that’s supposed to be really painful and what I have isn’t painful much at all. And if the Brazilian didn’t get anything from me then it’s probably unrelated and couldn’t be something that’s caused by something I didn’t have at the start of the year. I’ve seen the doctor about it once when it got a little worse a couple weeks ago. Since then it seems to be calming down a bit, so I’m not going to worry about it…

Things are starting to calm down work-wise, so I promise to start up my sex life again… Trust me, I miss seeding ass…

If you’ve been reading my blog for long you’ll know that this is exactly my approach to HIV prevention, so it’s nice to have some official validation.

Unbelievably, there are poz guys who don’t like the campaign…

As an HIV+ man I find it hard enough to get a date, whether it’s with someone who is poz or negative. The public still discriminates against those of us who are poz and this campaign is only going to encourage more discrimination. (from poz.com)

Oh please… The guy thinks his ability to go out on a date comes before the health of guys who are neg. I wish I could yell and scream directly in his face and tell him what a self-absorbed, pathetic loser he is…

As a neg guy who’s had a poz boyfriend (and stayed by his side until the day he died), let me put this very clearly… Poz guys need to date poz guys - or at least never assume they’re entitled to date neg guys…

If you’re poz and a neg guy decides to date you, great. But in my book it would also be reasonable for him to turn you down simply because your poz. Now, if you’re both neg and one of you becomes poz. Then it depends on the circumstances whether you should break up or stay together. But again, the neg guy always gets to pull that card where he says ‘no’ just because you’re poz. (Though once he knows the facts and commits to you, he should try to stick with you.)

But the bottom line is HIV negative guys have a right to protect their health. If people know their status and stick to other people of the same status HIV, the spread of HIV will slow dramatically.

And this is true for people who use condoms as well those of us who bareback, ’cause condoms aren’t as good as you might think at preventing HIV… It’s still unsafe sex, even if your poz top uses a condom…

But then I noticed this hot little latin bottom who was being really friendly with me. Turned out he did my ‘intake’ - and even gave me his business card “in case I had questions”. Now here’s the thing… Was he being friendly or flirty? I’m horrible with stuff like this… but he was completely fuckable. I’d totally love to seed the ass of someone who’s job it is to promote safe sex… Do I send him an e-mail or just drop it?

Then the doctor came in and while not as judgmental as the lesbian I saw last time, just wouldn’t let go of the fact that I fucked raw… Whatever. He was still nice enough and I feel like supporting them (by bringing my ‘business’ to them) is helping the community.

So I’ll find out in a week and a half whether I’ve got any STDs…

One other thing that was sorta funny… There was a jar full of condoms at the clinic with a sign asking people to not take more than two. Seemed like a half-hearted gesture to me.

While I haven't been the biggest slut, I've been barebacking for about 10 years now - some of the guys I know were poz, others I assume were poz (though none lately), plus there's all the guys who were complete strangers…

I used to have a gay doctor who was one of the first doctors to treat AIDS patients in the early '80s and over the years saw a lot of poz guys. He made the comment to me one time that he doesn't know anyone who became positive by topping - at least no one he believed.

Yes, I know it's possible for me to become poz. There have been some threads on places like BNSkin that brought up the topic and one or two guys will chime in and say that's how they became poz. But that's one or two guys in a community of hundreds (if not thousands) of poz guys…

Bottom line, being a raw top is relatively safe. Get used to it…

After running around doing other stuff, as I came into our building I realized today is the 12th anniversary of my lover's death. He died January 5th, 1995 - about a year before protease inhibitors came out. I always wonder whether he'd still be alive today if he could have held on for another year. But once he had dementia, there was no point in trying to prolong things.

So for those of you who think I'm cavalierly taking risks and don't fully appreciate the consequences - you're completely wrong. I stayed with my lover until the day he died and one of the strongest memories I'll ever have is giving him a bath in the hospital a couple weeks before he died. I knew he had lost weight, but I didn't realize how much. He used to have the most amazing bubble butt - nice perky and muscular. But it was gone - just completely gone. But the fact of the matter is that HIV/AIDS is very different today than it was 12 years ago - you have many, many more good years these days. But chances are eventually it will catch up to you even now…

But at the same time I'm a huge advocate of the idea that it's completely sane, normal and "healthy" to take some risks in your sex life. In many other aspects of your life you take risks to make your life more interesting and enjoyable, and some of those risks can kill or disable you. Why is it that when it comes to sex, people think there should be zero risk? I mean I was watching a guy ski down the face of a mountain the other day on TV and nobody was wagging their fingers at him telling him he was going to die… Our society glorifies some risks and stigmatizes others…

Enough preaching…

So after the HIV test my bf and I went to look at cell phones and renew our cell phone contract. I had researched and researched and researched and knew what I wanted. Like the last time, he just showed up and said OK to what the sales guy suggested. That didn't go so well last time so this time I talked him out of the one he was about to buy and he said later he was glad I did…

You're probably wondering what in the hell this has to do with my sex life… Well, I got a Nokia E62 - big screen, full keyboard, web browser, chat client, e-mail… Guess what I can use it for? That's right - hooking up when I'm not at home… Very handy… The first thing I did when I got home was point the web browser at Craigslist to see how it did with that and it did pretty well. We'll see if it improves my sex life or not…

After getting new cell phones, we went to my favorite piercing shop on 8th Street and got myself a new ring for my PA - 2 gauge, 1" diameter circular barbell. Tried to put it in when I got home, but my hole needs to be stretched a bit - maybe it will go in tomorrow…

As far as sex goes… Let's just say multiple plans for hookups have fallen through… It's a bit frustrating, but hopefully I'll fuck somone soon…