The gay community used to be pretty political - in your face, and radical. We used to look bigots in the eyes and say “fuck you!” Now we look those bigot in the face and want to be like them. We’re running to the suburbs, setting up house like Ward and June Cleaver, and wanting those bigots to accept us.

Well, they’re bigots, why in the hell do we want their acceptance? Why should their acceptance matter? Why is it that our sense of self-worth is in their hands in the first place?

That’s why I think losing on Prop 8 is good for us. It’s a slap in the face to all the people in our community who are trying to be “straight-acting”.

Then there’s the 27% of the gay community that voted for McCain. They fit in there somewhere, but in a very complicated way… Needless to say, they horrify me. Only 15% of Manhattanites voted for McCain, how can nearly twice as many gay people vote for him? How is it that Manhattan is twice as liberal as the gay community?

Yes, I’m legally married, and I think we should have the right to marry and have our marriages fully recognized everywhere. I don’t want civil unions, I want marriage because “separate but equal” is always separate and never equal. [I'd love to get Obama in a room and have him, as an intelligent black man, look me in the eye and tell me that "separate but equal" is a good idea.]

While I want gay marriage, I don’t want our marriages to mimic straight marriages. There are those in our community who want marriage so they can be more like straight people, so they can be better in line with heterosexual norms. That’s just fucked up.

This summer I said I was really disappointed in Lambda Legal for telling gay people not to sue for their rights. I think the loss on Prop 8 sorta vindicates what I’m saying. I realize there’s legal strategy behind what they were saying and they didn’t want negative precidents, but for god’s sake 30 states have now made gay marriage illegal. We can’t even win equality in California where the Republican governor is fine with gay marriage. What does that tell us about the US right now? If you can’t win through being nice in a place like California, you’re fucked and it’s clearly the wrong strategy.

I think we should have a blitzkrieg of lawsuits and our rallying cry should be that we are not 2nd class citizens and we won’t just shut up and sit in the back of the bus. I think we need to hold friends accountable for how they vote, and even take it into our business lives and refuse to do business with bigots, when we’re able to do so financially.

I really like the fact that some people are talking about stripping the Mormon church of tax exempt status. We need to be in-your-face radicals. We need to make people see that it’s not acceptable to be bigots. For too long we’ve let the fundies take the battle to us. Let’s turn that around. Let’s show that you’re not “pro-life” if you start offensive wars that kill tens of thousands of people, and you’re not “pro-family” if you can’t respect loving, stable homes that happen to be gay, and you’re not “defending our children” if you don’t allow unmarried people to be foster and adoptive parents.

If you need a model for how a radical strategy works, just look back to ACT UP and the fight for AIDS treatment. ACT UP was throwing blood on people, but it raised the issue, made a point, and softened people up so they’d make deals with the moderates in our community. But now we have no radicals and the right wing extremists are painting our moderates as “too extreme” and “dangerous”. Well, let’s show them too extreme and dangerous so they can understand the difference.

Personally, I don’t get it. I can see criminalizing lying about your HIV status, but I don’t get how it’s the poz guy’s responsibility to tell if the neg guy doesn’t ask especially in anonymous situations. What happened to the concept of personal responsibility? NO ONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HEALTH EXCEPT YOU!

He’s living with his father, so if he’s really lucky his dad is cool with him having guys over. Once his probation is up I’d suggest he come to some place like New York where disclosure isn’t mandatory.

I mean, a guy who’s that hot should have all the sex he wants…  I know I’d fuck him 

ADDITION:

One thing I want to add here… If he’s on meds and has an undetectable viral load. He’s safer to have sex with than a “neg” versatile guy who’s running around barebacking and not getting tested regularly.

The laws were written in an era where poz guys were pretty infectious pretty much all the time. That’s not the case any more and I’d love to see one of these laws challenged on the basis of the person in question had an undetectable viral load.

To say that all poz guys have to disclose all the time and not require neg guys who haven’t been tested in say the last three months to disclose that their status is actually “unknown” simply makes no sense. The current policy is a lot like a scarlet letter.

Now compare that to this…

There’s so much I could say about that clip, but the point is many of us grew up around people like that (in my case they managed to state their bigotry a bit more tactfully, but the bottom line was about the same). It’s vital that young gay teens see that when they get the opportunity to get out from under those circumstances there’s a life waiting for them that’s worth living.

I think it’s come to a point in the election where it’s clear McCain/Palin don’t have much of a clue and the calm, steady, competent choice is Obama/Biden. It’s not just about gay issues…

• Obama (and the people advise him) are better on the economy. Early in the campaign McCain admitted he didn’t know anything about the economy. When he was asked who he’d consider for Treasury Secretary the first name he mentioned was Warren Buffet - an Obama supporter. And his suggestion that the federal government pay for everyone’s bad loans is just offensive to those of us who only took on as much as we could afford. Plus, Robert Reich (I LOVE that man’s mind) is such a strong Obama supporter he supported him in the primaries, despite his history with the Clintons.
• Obama is better on foreign affairs. Why? ‘Cause it’s about diplomacy, not war. The rest of the World is rooting for Obama to win, which means he’ll have an easier time making peace, which is what we need right now.
• Obama is better on civil rights. So much has been taken away from us in regards to civil rights in the past 8 years, we need someone who will stop that and put it back where it should be.
• On every issue except gay marriage, Obama is better on gay rights. Since when is marriage our only issue? There are so many others and McCain/Palin are almost always on the wrong side of the issue, or their support for us is half-hearted at best.

Frankly, I don’t understand US voters. I mean how was it that George W. Bush won the last election? 86% of the people in Manhattan voted for Kerry. That’s about how it should have been nationwide, IMO. I don’t even understand how it could have been close, nevertheless Bush won…

Actually, I sorta do get it. Bush won the last election because of bigotry toward gays. Outlawing gay marriage is what got a lot of conservative voters to the polls and it was enough to get him elected. Think about that for a moment. We might be out of Iraq by now and not in a deep economic hole if it hadn’t been for the fact that so many straight people hate us so much that they went out of their way to make sure we wouldn’t be considered their equals.

This time around it’s racial bigotry, “the Bradley effect” might make McCain win, even though Obama is ahead in the polls. Curious how the news media is talking openly about racism this time around, but didn’t talk about homophobia last time. But again, we might have the weaker candidate win simply because of bigotry. When you think of it that way America deserves whatever misery it gets if its politics are guided by hatred and fear…

Take a look at what average Republicans are willing to say openly these days. I can see why they don’t use the word “moral” much anymore…

How can a Log Cabin (gay) Republican feel good about being a Republican when members of their party use the words like “Commie Faggot” so easily? And no one in that crowd seemed bothered by what what going on. Do you think any of those people would care if they saw you getting gay bashed?

If you’re one of those racists who just can’t see yourself voting for a black man, then as the video below points, out Obama isn’t exactly black - he’s half white. So “vote for the white half”… 

Seriously… Your freedoms are at stake in this election. Three liberal Supreme Court justices are thinking of retiring. If you can’t see it any other way, vote for the candidate who will appoint the best judges.

And if you can’t say Barak Obama’s name without saying his middle name in there too… Do everyone a favor and just stay home.

The problem with democracy is that people like the woman above vote. Yet democracy is still the best system in the long run, but it only works if the voters are educated, and guess which party is best with education?

Just to push the point a little further… In last night’s debate, in the context of discussing hate speech at his political rallies, John McCain said the following…

That’s right, he said “Let me just say, categorically, I’m proud of the people that come to our rallies.” I was shocked. That said, he has corrected some of the people who’ve called Obama a Muslim and a terrorist, and been boo’d for it. So who knows what he really thinks.

That said, look what people at McCain rallies said to a reporter from Al Jazeera…

I’m sorry, but there’s way too much of that shit in the Republican party. It’s time for good Republicans to stand up and say something, but I seriously doubt that will happen. I mean Bush is killing and torturing people and simultaneously wrapping himself in the mantle of Christianity. Meanwhile real Christians, who follow the pacifist teachings of Christ, have said practically nothing. There’s a reason why I’m down on the Republicans - this stuff has been going on in their party since the 70s. I know ’cause I was at some of the Moral Majority rallies with Anita Bryant and Jerry Falwell back then. It’s gotten worse and worse and people have just gone along with the fear and hatred. It needs to stop. If we’re lucky Obama will win, things will get better, and what the hate mongers say will just sound empty, hollow and bitter.

Here’s a clip with Matthew Shepard’s mom. Please be as vocal as this wonderful straight woman in protecting our rights.

And if you still don’t understand why it’s important to vote for Democrats this year - issues like this are where you see the clearest difference between Democrats and Republicans. Republicans are the ones who consistently vote against hate crime legislation for the LGBT community despite the fact they themselves are protected by hate crime legislation (for religion-oriented hate crimes). On the other hand Democrats consistently vote for hate crime legislation. Yes, there are good Republicans, and I’ve voted for them, but don’t think that just because both haven’t quite figured out that “separate but equal” is a bad idea in terms of gay marriage and civil unions, doesn’t mean there isn’t a very real difference between the parties in matter that can affect you personally.

And just a reminder it’s still going on 10 years later even in urban areas…

Let’s look at the different general groups…

Negative guys who have limited sex with carefully selected partners and get tested regularly. These guys are probably the most believable when they say they’re negative. But the problem with them is that “carefully selected partners” means they’re probably not going to have casual sex with you. They’ve chosen to put staying neg over having a good sex life.

Negative guys who try hard to serosort - always ask status and time of last test. These guys are the next most likely to be genuinely negative, but who knows if the guys that fuck them are really neg or not… Either they’re not having much sex or they’re using condoms a lot.

“Negative” guys who casually serosort. You’ve seen they type - they’re the ones taking anonymous loads, but have “neg ub2″ in their profiles. They barely ask if the guy they’re having sex with is neg, and it’s such a casual request guys feel fine lying to have sex with them. These guys tend to not get tested very regularly, so in a way they’re sorta the highest risk group since they’re taking loads, not getting tested, and barebacking with guys just like themselves.

“Neg” guys who don’t really care about their HIV status. One thing you have to remember when you ask someone if they’re neg and they say yes is whether they care about staying neg. A growing number of guys just don’t care. And if they don’t care about their HIV status, they care even less about yours. If you don’t really get to know the guy and just trust them, you’re being incredibly naive…

Poz guys with undetectable viral loads. According to the Swiss study these guys are actually pretty safe to have sex with.

Poz guys who haven’t started meds. Obviously risky to have sex with, but often people don’t try to differentiate between these guys and the guys with undetectable viral loads and just lump all poz guys into the same category.

“Low risk” poz guys who lie about their status. Usually these guys are bottoms who feel that their lie is somewhat justified by the fact that the risk to the top is generally pretty low, and if they’re undetectable then they feel they really are as low-risk as a neg guy, so they just say they’re neg to “keep things simple” and get more tops to fuck them.

“Don’t ask, don’t tell” poz guys. These guys operate on the concept that your health is your responsibility. If you take a load without asking their status, then you’re OK taking a poz load.

Stealth breeding poz tops. These guys know they’re poz, may have a high viral load, and will do whatever they can to get their poz load in your neg ass including lying when asked about their status. There aren’t many of them out there since what they’re doing is illegal, but there are some.

So the issue is that the guys who are most likely to be negative probably aren’t going to have sex with you. A few will cross your path, but not that many. The guys who are out there having sex are poz guys and high risk neg guys. Even if someone says they’re a total top - can you really believe them? And since people are most infectious right after getting infected themselves “negative” guys who are activey barebacking are really the most dangerous guys to have sex with.

That is the achilles heal of serosorting - that if you serosort you may wind up taking more risk, not less. If one of your tricks turns poz, you’re at far more risk than if you had stuck with poz guys with undetectable viral loads.

When guys realize that it’s safer to have sex with undetectable poz guys is when it gets really complicated. At that point they realize they’re taking poz loads, and serosorting seems pointless, so they often just give up with risk reduction completely.

I know that was sort of the case with me. I was trying to do risk reduction then I realized guys weren’t telling the truth when I asked their status, and if I stuck with “negative” guys who were taking loads from anonymous tops like me, then I was actually having sex with the guys most likely to make me poz. On top of that I like sex and when I stopped worrying about whether the guy was poz or not I started fucking some really great bottoms - since poz guys have fewer inhibitions…

Then there are the guys who realize that they’re rewarding liars and punishing people who tell the truth by saying ‘no’ to poz guys who are upfront about being poz. Yes, this means they take on more risk, but they usually feel that becoming poz is inevitable given what they like to do sexually…

That said serosorting is a decent strategy for a certain type of person. If you’re the type who likes getting to know the guy you’re having sex with, and being romatic, then you’re probably not having sex with a lot of guys to begin with. The fact that you get to know the guys is one of the things that’s vital to effective serosorting. And most of the guys like this have no problem dropping back to condoms if things don’t feel quite right…

Those are the guys who should be serosorting, but I doubt there are many of them reading this blog ’cause I tend to treat bottoms like impersonal fuckholes. Often I don’t really want to get to know the guy. I’m perfectly happy if there’s zero conversation. The bottoms who get into that are either poz or on their way to being poz ’cause you can’t stay neg if you take anonymous loads on a regular basis.

If you like anonymous sex with lots of guys (like I do), then serosorting just won’t work for you. My advice to you is to just accept the risk, get on with things, and enjoy your sex life… 

I’m wondering if there’s a difference based on age when it comes to bug chasing. He was talking about how younger guys (tweens) just think of barebacking as normal sex. Then there’s a whole group who just don’t want to admit they’re bug chasing when they tested neg and are taking anonymous loads from guys they don’t know. But I think guys in their 40s saw some of the horrors and when they decide to take loads they’re more honest with themselves about the risks and what they’re doing.

Then there’s the whole relationship angle… Needless to say that’s a bit complicated, and interesting as well…

Ten New York Republican Senators have introduced legislation to the State Senate that will ban homophobic bullying in schools. The ‘Safe Schools for All Children Bill’ calls for training to help teachers identify and respond to bullying and places the responsibility of keeping tack on bullying cases with schools. The bill also includes protection for transgender students and teachers and a cyber-bullying stipulation.

In other words, even Republicans in New York understand that you need to protect gay kids. That’s so far ahead of so many places in the US - usually you just find that stuff in New York City, not new York State as a whole. Kudos to the NYS Senate!

I didn’t grow up here, but I’m still proud to call myself a New Yorker - it truly is a great state!

Get this - the owner of Manhunt has given the legal maximum to the McCain campaign. If in the past we boycotted companies like Coors for working against gay rights, I think we need to hold members of our own community to an even higher standard - especially ones that make their money by facilitating gay sex!

So here’s what I’d like you to do… Use the customer service link on Manhunt to tell them what you think of their owner’s politics. They’re making $30 million a year off of us having sex, they should not be working against us.

Next, make it so your membership does not automatically renew - change it so you have to manually renew. If they haven’t fixed the problem by the time your membership renewal date rolls around, don’t pay them more until they’ve reversed their policies (a big contribution to the Democrats would be nice.)

And lastly, put something in your profile telling other people to write customer service as well. Let’s make it clear that if they want our money they cannot support people who don’t like gay people.

Yes, they have every right to be self-hating jerks, but not with our money. Use Adam4Adam instead (it’s free), or better yet BarebackRT - anything but Manhunt. Do not give your money to someone who is going to give even a cent of it to the Republicans and set our rights back even further!

UPDATE:

Just to make things perfectly clear… Here is where McCain stands on gay rights vs say abortion rights (which we know Republicans hate) in terms of whether he’d consider a running mate who was pro-choice or pro-gay…

I think it’s a fundamental tenet of our party to be pro-life but that does not mean we exclude people from our party that are pro-choice. And I think Ridge is a great example of that. Far more so than Bloomberg, because Bloomberg is pro-gay rights, you know, a number of other issues.

So there you have it - being pro-gay is an anathema to the guy - pro-life he can live with (surprisingly), but not pro-gay - god forbid! Which explains why it’s unforgivable for the owner of Manhunt to give him money (in case there was any question).

UPDATE #2:

Well, there’s been a big development… The guy who donated to McCain (Jonathan Crutchley) has stepped down from Manhunt’s board of directors. The problem is that he’s probably still the main recipient of Manhunt’s profits. To me, that’s a good first step, but it’s not over yet… I want to know when I give them money that none of it will get to Republicans.

A massive donation by Jonathan Crutchley to a very liberal gay cause would go a long way right now…

UPDATE #3:

I had this whole blog post written which I’m not going to publish. The bottom line is Manhunt is a bit of a divided company. It appears the a majority shareholder (Larry Basile) is pretty liberal, but his co-founder (Jonathan Crutchley) is a Log Cabin Republican who gives to conservative causes. While Crutchley has stepped down he will continue to get a huge share of Manhunt’s profits and will continue to give to causes most of us abhor.

Manhunt (the company) is hiding behind the excuse that the company didn’t give the money, an individual did, but for me the bottom line is that money from customers is going to people and causes most of their customers have huge problems with. Yes, Crutchley has the right to give the money, but he shouldn’t expect his customers to want to give him more money to give to conservative causes.

The company is also being completely rude to their customers who object. If you put anything about it in your profile (like “I won’t fuck Republicans who give money to McCain”) they remove it and send a pissy message saying Manhunt is not a political forum. To me that’s bullshit. If their profits can go to conservative political causes, then they should at least allow funny polticial commentary in profiles. And for god’s sake - APOLOGIZE! The letter they send is so fucking harsh and never once acknowleges that people have a completely understandable reason for being mad at them.

Basically, given how they’ve handled the situation they’re saying what Crutchley did is reasonable. I have a big problem with that. They need to be on their knees apologizing for his actions and separating themselves from him. They really need to buy him out, bu I understand that takes time.

Here’s what I urge all of you to do…

• Stop giving Manhunt money
• Try out other hookup sites like BarebackRT and Adam4Adam
  
• When you have to ask other Manhunt members to e-mail you pics, explain why you don’t have a paid membership.

IMHO, I don’t think a formal boycott of Manhunt will work. The issue is too complicated since there are liberals at Manhunt, and people feel sorry for the employees of Manhunt. As far as the employees I’m not too worried about them as a group - the jobs Manhunt will lose, some other hookup site will gain.

But don’t take this lying down… Please send a clear message that Jonathan Crutchley is a liability for Manhunt and the sooner they buy him out, the better…

So I’m wondering what you guys think of it? Am I going too far? Should I step back and lighten things up a bit? Tell me what you think… The poll has answers that sorta cover the gammut, but feel free to add something under “other” or better yet - leave a comment on the post…

Oh yeah - I’m not going to feel obliged to do what the poll results say, but I will definitely take them into consideration…

So, to that end… I’ll change how I right about things, but not so much what I write about. In other words, those of you who like it dark will need to read between the lines. I’ll put all the details in there (neg4neg gangbang, etc.), but won’t dwell so much on the risk factor. Here are a few examples…

The bug chaser visiting San Francisco wanting loads - I’d just leave out the bug chaser part and say a bottom is on vacation wanting as many loads as possible. It would completely change the nature of the post - if you wanted to read the other related posts you could figure out the details…

There will still be occasional updates on HIV and AIDS research - that won’t change. I may think twice about some of the stories however… For example, I’m not sure how important the “HIV Strikes Quickly” story really was.

The story about three sides of a stealth breeding gangbang - I’d do it with less detail and more as a cautionary tale (neg bottoms who take anonymous loads will wind up getting poz loads).

The story of what a bug chaser is thinking as he makes the decision to take all loads instead of being “neg4neg”… That one would be done pretty much the same way. There are some things I think just need to be expressed unedited.

When I talk about my hookups I usually just stick to the facts of what happened - so no change will be needed there…

There’s obviously a lot of young bug chasers out there. If you’ve ever wondered how they’ll fair long term - the study answers that…

The study said that “despite” these positive results, an HIV-positive person starting Cart treatment at the age of 20 will on average live another 43 years, to 63. A 20-year-old HIV-negative person in a high-income country can expect to live to around 80, a difference of nearly 20 years.

I assume “Cart” is the same as HAART (the “drug cocktail”).

I’ve said for a while now that the only safe sex message that I can see working is “stay neg - enjoy your retirement”. That’s basically what’s going to happen with the guys who are getting pozzed young. Provided they do what a good doctor tells them to do, they’ll live a decent life, and then start having medical problems when they should be retiring. The part of their life they’re going to miss out on are “the golden years”.

Then again it was just a few years ago that they said the average life expectancy after becoming poz was around 23 years. Now it’s up to 43 years for these guys. Given how well medical science is doing it will probably go higher. And that’s the point… People from my generation and before are telling the young guys how crazy they’re being but they’ve forgotten how radically things have changed. It used to be that someone who was poz for 5 years was a “long term survivor”… It’s not like that anymore.

[Fine Print: These are averages - you may be on the low end of the average. If you don't get tested and don't know you're poz you will be on the low end of the average for sure and will die way before you should. So GET TESTED and know your HIV status!]

Then you think about the guys like the bug chaser who’s in San Francisco this week who are in their 40s and turning poz. Their life expectancy after infection is shorter than 43 years, but still - if you got pozzed in your upper 40s and lasted say 30 years (I’m pulling that number out of my ass), then you’ve still lives a pretty full life. They’re making a choice that will undoubtedly lead to complications, but they’re not completely insane like some people would lead you to believe.

In related news… There’s a study out in The Lancet that says that the Swiss statement (that it’s safe for sero-discordant straight couples to fuck without rubbers) is wrong. They do a mathematical model that shows that there will be HIV infections as a result if the Swiss statement is followed.

Here’s the problem. The Swiss statement is based directly on empirical data. The new study is a mathematical model, and it would appear the empirical data the Swiss have access to does not fit with the Aussie’s mathematical model. If you know anything about statistics you know the closer you are to real-world observations, the better your results will be. The data source is always suspect. So it looks like the mathematical model may be in trouble, though it is getting published in one of the top peer-reviewed journals so you’d think it couldn’t be that bad. Then again, I think there are people who want to see the Swiss discredited.

The point is, the discussion about the Swiss statement is far from over.

According to UNAIDS/WHO, 21,000 people died of AIDS in North America and 12,000 in Western and Central Europe. That’s 58 people a day in North America and 33 a day in Europe. By comparison the CDC reports that 418,000 people die just from cigarette smoking every year in the United States alone. That’s 1145 a day.

I get that some of the people who are dying every day of AIDS acquired HIV by barebacking. But I bet the people who are bothered by young guys barebacking don’t think twice when the same guys light up a cigarette… I’m not trying to say they’re being willingly hypocritical - personally I think society is having a moment of group think where the big killers don’t get the attention they deserve and smaller ones that are seen as somebody else’s problem get all the attention. HIV is a popular one ’cause people see it as avoidable. But smoking deaths are avoidable too and kill so many more people. But HIV is seen as something that affects unpopular minorities like gay guys and drug addicts so it gets focused on.

On the other side of the coin, as a community this does affect us greatly and it’s something we need to come to grips with. Personally I think one of the huge issues is how ineffective the safe sex message is these days. It needs a total rethink but it’s such a touchy subject people don’t want to touch it with a 10 foot pole. Some people will cry foul if the message is anything but “use a condom every time”. On the other hand I’ve seen guys get addicted to barebacking in a monogamous relationship and then not be able to quit barebacking when the relationship ends. So who knows what the message should be. I know I don’t know…

But for me, as with smoking, it comes down to personal choice. People choose to smoke and some die as a result of that choice. Likewise people choose to bareback and some die as a result of that choice. The difference of course is that the damage from smoking builds over time where with barebacking the damage happens all of a sudden and you don’t know when that will be. So a teen could smoke for a year or two and stop without much consequence. But if they bareback it’s an all or nothing game. The damage may have been done by the time they decide to stop.

Just as we don’t bar people from smoking, we can’t bar them from barebacking. But society has put limits on things like advertising of tobacco and alcohol, and the sale of those products. The issue is what limits, if any, are appropriate for barebacking?

Some people have suggested a system similar to straight porn where there’s an industry sponsored non-profit testing agency who monitors all the models. But I don’t know whether that would even work in our case since so many models are poz or like me - neg and don’t mind fucking poz guys.

Personally, I think the important thing is that the guys in bareback porn do so with informed consent. That they understand the risks and consequences. If they do, then it’s all OK in my mind… The question is how do you know some Eastern European guy who doesn’t speak your language had decent sex ed in high school? The concept of informed consent is great. The implementation is a bitch…

UPDATE

I was thinking about this a little more… Canada has about 10% of our population, so let’s guess that 19,000 people in the US died of AIDS. Let’s also guess that 75% of them were gay (I think that’s actually a higher number than what’s true), so that would mean about 14,000 gay guys died of AIDS last year. Now, if we’re 5% of the population (10% of the men), then that means if the entire US were made up of gay men then 280,000 of us would have died of AIDS. That 280,000 number is comparable to the 418,000 that died of smoking.

Those are really rough numbers, but the bottom line is that it appears smoking kills more gay men than HIV/AIDS. Think about that for a moment. Smoking is a bigger problem for our community than HIV. I wish someone could get hard data to prove that, but with high rates of smoking in the gay community, I’m almost certain it’s a true statement.

You’re totally a bear, not the hairiest one I’ve ever seen, but definitely a bear. And a cute one, too. I wouldn’t get too caught up in what others say or think. You have all the qualities of a bear - masculine, facial hair, a bit of a belly (they don’t need to be huge) and body hair. In my estimation as long as a man has more of those qualities than not, then he’d be considered a bear. For instance, I think with a full beard, you can get away with having less body hair; if you were clean shaven, then I’d say, probably not.

So you might be wondering what are all the qualities of a bear? I know I always thought bears were always at least 20-30 heavier than I am… Well here’s his definition…

There are two key characteristics to classify a man as a bear: body hair and body size - a bear has to have some solidness and heaviness to him. This can range from a stocky or chunky guy to a 300-pound man with a big belly. Lots of bears have facial hair, too.

However, one other aspect of the bear community is the idea of self determination and visualization. If a man says he’s a bear, then he kind of is, whether you think he’s a cub, or something else.

So if any of the rest of you are wondering if you’re bears… There’s your answer (from someone who really seems to love bears)…

(I have lost about 10+ pounds from my heaviest a couple months ago - I’m now consistently weighing about 225-227. I was up around 238 for a while there… But I have a feeling I’ll be bearish for the forseeable future…)

Have you ever wondered why black guys have such high rates of HIV infection? I mean look at this HIV infection graph the CDC released last month…

Black guys are off the charts. Yet it’s not like black guys are all that much sluttier or anything. Or why is AIDS such a problem in Africa? Once again people may start to wonder about black sexuality, but it turns out it’s not that at all…

A new report out today says the real reason is that 90% of black Africans and 60% of African-Americans have a genetic trait that makes them 40% more likely to become HIV positive than people without the genetic trait. The trait was actually a response in their evolution that made them resistant to a certain form of malaria, but now makes them more likely to become poz.

It’s a bit of a cruel fate really. Not only does Africa have long standing development issues, but now we find they’re basically cursed when it comes to HIV and AIDS. On the other hand, the ancestors of northern European whites, who have so many advantages already - their ancestors who survived Smallpox gave 1% of them the ability to be completely immune to HIV and 10% of them the ability to be “resistant” to HIV. It’s like the people with all the advantages just get more advantages, while the people with all the problems, just get more problems…

So if you’re black this is just one of those things you’re going to have to deal with. Black guys who want to stay negative have to be extra careful.

But the really sad thing is how AIDS will just continue to decimate Africa… Those of us who live in the West are so incredibly lucky - we have the wealth to pay for drug cocktails that take make a manageable situation out of a health crisis. Now imagine the equivalent of the gay community in terms of likelihood to become poz, only no money to pay for the meds - and no chance of being able to afford the meds. Always urge politicians to give funding for HIV/AIDS in Africa - it’s the least we can do as rich Westerners…

The one bit of good news today was that HIV positive people can now enter the US as visitors and as immigrants! This means there’s no fear you’ll be asked to leave the US if you become poz…

Came across an article today that says that aggressively giving poz guys HAART can reduce new HIV infections by 60%. Years ago when AIDSVax was in clinical trials they were saying they’d consider it an “effective” vaccine if it stopped 30% of HIV infections - so 60% is wildly successful.

The logic here is that if you can have poz guys “shooting blanks” rather than truly “dirty/toxic loads” then the bottom won’t get pozzed. This falls in line with the Swiss statement that having sex with a poz guy with an undetectable viral load is generally “safe”.

So that means poz guys will essentially be taking the “vaccines” to protect negative guys. I have a problem with the implications of that. I’m all for poz guys taking HAART if it is genuinely the best thing for their individual case. But I have a huge problem with them taking potentially harmful medications when they don’t necessarily need them. Many of the long-term survivors that are having problems can trace their problems back to medications they took in th past like AZT. It’s one thing when you take a harmful medication because it’s your only choice and you’re about to die. But it’s completely different when you take something that’s harmful to you in order to protect someone else.

I wouldn’t be against it if the medical profession were honest and said “we need you to take this to protect other people” (perhaps a lover). But I guarantee you that that’s not how it will be communicated. Already aggressive HAART therapy is pretty much the norm right after diagnosis - that’s just going to become even more so. The concept of a poz guy who’s not on meds will be forgotten despite the fact that there many poz guys who have stayed off meds for years and stayed healthy.

Aggressive HAART will become standard practice and no one is going to question it. The concept of a treatment plan that is best for the patient will be thrown out the window. The only way in which it will be honored is to find the meds that the patient can best tolerate and which get his viral load down the lowest.

Why do I feel strongly about this? Years ago I had a well-known neurologist who wanted me to stay on anti-seizure medications for the rest of my life despite the fact that they affected my quality of life and I had never clearly had a seizure. Why? ‘Cause if I blacked out while driving it would affect her liability insurance. By putting me on anti-seizure meds she removed her liability in the matter. [BTW, been off them for years and doing fine...]

I am really skeptical when it comes to doctors - I’ve seen them screw up too many times on me and on loved ones. Medicine is a field which is big on “group think” - contrarians are seen as dangerous… I’d bet money that no doctor will publicly challenge the idea of aggressive HAART therapy as a best practice for treating poz guys…

If you’re poz I’m not saying you shouldn’t take HAART. I’m just saying if you’re “healthy” make your doctor prove to you why you need it. They should be telling you about the particular strain of HIV you have and what they know about that strain and it’s progression in the body. IMO, they should also know whether you have a blocked CCR5 receptor which would make you a slow progressor. In other words, they shouldn’t recommend a lifetime of medications to a healthy person without first doing a huge battery of tests. If your doctor doesn’t like being questioned - find another doctor.

After my lover died I was talking to his social worker. She made a comment that she liked my boyfriend’s doctor personally, but it was weird how all of his patients seemed to die (this was January 1995). He was a high profile doctor who was constantly speaking at conferences and writing papers. She wasn’t sure if he just had some of the worst cases or what… But she knew other, more low-key doctors whose patients had a much better survival rate…

We’re to the point now that people don’t die quickly of HIV. But the decisions you make now may determine whether you live 20 or 40 years. I’m not saying what those decisions should be - just make sure you don’t let someone else make them for you - be actively involved in your treatment plan and be 100% comfortable with your doctor’s decisions.

hi there

i pop onto your site here and there every blue moon -

i was in a relationship for 13 years, so i barebacked with my partner at the time, never goin eleswhere for fear of disease and plus i loved my partner…and only wanted to be with my parter.

in reading your blog in more depth - i am disgusted at your actions - gay people like yourself, are the ones who give us moralistic fags a bad name. “they” all think we are like you, and we are not all like you….

you have a boyfriend whom you love? you couldnt possibly… you only love yourself - how could you put yourself, as well as others at risk with HIV/AIDS as well as countless other stds? these random hook ups to dump your load into as many asses as u can, until u get some disease, is horrid. people like you should be locked away or castrated. you will fuck all kinds before you realise or get notifed that you have AIDS and at the same time infect all these other people who are just as retarded as u….sick like u…

either your boyfriend is a fool cuz you dont seem like a brad pitt kinda lookin guy, so im not sure what or why he stays with you…how could u love someone or be with someone and are constantly goin out to fuck someone else… bareback at that..im all for bareback in a relationship… after testing etc…

you are only shortening your time when you get AIDS and you will at some point.. your parents should be horrified that this is what they raise… prepare your mum for an AIDS death/funeral… this bullshit that if you top u cant get or vice versa is just that… bullshit - when people like u come down with the diseases that is iminent… it is well deserved - when people like u catch these deadly diseases, it is warranted and i have no pity - rather laugh at the stupidity…

im waiting for the day, and you will… where you write, “i have contracted AIDS” i will post a huge LOL.. on your page and tell u that you deserve it… you are a disgrace to fags and to the human race -

RIP

What do you say to someone like that? I’ll give it a quick shot…

Today is gay day. The point of gay day is to say you don’t care what straights think - that you’re proud of who you are and believe that others in your community should be accepted just as they are. The opinions of straight people (including my mother) are not how I determine my self worth.

There is no need to live up to heterosexual values or morals. There’s nothing wrong with examining them and learning from them, but that should be the limit. Hell, even the straight community has “swingers”. They’re really no different than those of us in the gay community who enjoy sex with random people.

The other parts of what he says are just so far out there there’s really nothing that can be said about them. He’s so far from the truth it’s just not funny.

There are a number of things that are striking about the report…

First is the obvious trend with young black guys 13-24 shown in the graph above. That graph is of actual diagnoses, so think about what it means for that many black “kids” to be getting infected. Blacks are approximately 12% of the population nationwide, but they were 56% of the guys getting infected with HIV between 2001 and 2006 - in 2006 that went up to 59%. To be fair the 12% is the national average and the infection data is for 33 states, but still… Every year the rate of infection for young black guys goes up about 15%.

Next is the trend that’s sort of gets lost in the graph - and that is the rate of increase for young Asian guys 13-24 - it’s going up about 31% a year. Because of small sample size with Asians the number could actually be anywhere from 12% to 53% (95% confidence) - but that’s a huge shift… It used to be that Asian guys were always pretty conservative sexually, but that’s changing quickly and young Asian guys are having more and more risky sex.

Other trends in the full report were that the rate of infection is actually going down for some groups - It’s going down about 4% a year for guys in New York and New Jersey. It’s going down about 1% a year for guys ages 25-44 but that group comprises 64% of the new HIV infections. And the geographic regions with the highest rates of increase are the West and Midwest - about 7% a year increase…

So all in all there’s nothing really surprising in this report. Infection rates are down for older guys and up for younger guys, which we’ve seen reported before.

And the explanation is pretty simple. Young guys don’t have a memory of what it was like back when HIV was a death sentence. Their actions reflect what they see - that AIDS deaths are at an all-time low.

The other thing to remember is that the report can be affected by local pushes to increase HIV testing. For example I expect to see a spike in rates for Blacks and Hispanics because NYC is doing a big push to get everyone living in the Bronx tested for HIV (that one Borough accounts for 1/3rd of the AIDS deaths in the NYC even though it’s just 19% of the population).

However local pushes only have so much influence on the numbers. We’re still seeing a remarkable increase in infections among young Blacks and Asians. Even for young Hispanics who have the lowest increase for people in their age cohort - it’s still going up 8% a year.

Now compare that to the fact that young guys are more likely to use condoms (at least in NYC). That’s one statistic I think will be changing as more and more of them are apparently learning to enjoy barebacking…

For the most part, the people who die of AIDS these days are people who don’t get tested and don’t find out they’re poz until it’s too late for treatments to be effective. There’s no need for those deaths… None whatsoever.

If you’re worried what it will mean to test positive - give up that fear and go get tested. Becoming HIV positive today is not the death sentence it once was. In fact, there’s a good chance you’ll die of something else - like old age or in a car accident or something. But that’s not the case if you don’t get tested. Then the chances are you will die of AIDS.

In other words - don’t be afraid of HIV, be afraid of not knowing your poz.

You don’t have to get tested every 3 or 6 months unless you want to. The goal here is to catch your HIV before it starts doing really nasty shit to your body. You’re probably fine if you catch it within a year of infection - but definitely don’t wait more than 2 years between tests. There are strains of HIV that are more aggressive than others that need to be treated fairly quickly.

If it’s been more than a year since you had an HIV test, get tested this week…

Last night when I was laying on the floor playing with my dog I noticed a book on my shelf - “Epitaphs for the Living“. It was published in 1989 and I bought it shortly after I came out. It’s an incredibly somber book. Has pictures of people with AIDS with their hand written notes below the picture. I want to quote from some of them…

There’s a picture of two guys sitting on a bed. One has his arm around the other… Each gave their perspective, but one is especially poignant…

Life is such a precious gift! It has been very hard to watch life melt away from the one I love and I can do nothing but be there and love him with all my heart. I love you Pat.

Another picture is of a guy in a turtle neck most guys would say was pretty hot…

Thank you, Billy, for a beautiful photograph. Its how I want to be remembered; happy, attractive, self satisifid and content with lie. But in many ways the photo doesn’t look like me. · It doesn’t show the K.S. lesions growing on my face + body. · It doesn’t show that I am half blind · It doesn’t show the fact that I’ve had 3 bouts of Pneumocystis Pneumonia in the past year and a half · It doesn’t show the fear I have of what may happen to my health either tomorrow or 6 months down the road · It doesn’t show the sadness, not only my own, but the sadness I feel every time I walk down the street and see friends and acquaintances who have been diagnosed. · It doesn’t show the anger I feel at having about 1/2 of my life whipped out from under my feet at the age of 30. · It doesn’t show the great discontent and anger I have form our government for having ignored this epidemic for so long while people were dying in every city in our country. · It doesn’t show the great amount of love + compassion I feel from my family, community + friends. · And most of all it doesn’t show the tremendous need for all sexually active people to learn about AIDS to protect themselves and their loved ones so the y won’t have to go through my pain or the pain of so many others who have gone before me and will continue to go after me.

David Brewster
San Francisco, CA
Diagnosed Oct 31, 1986

Then there’s a photo of a guy sitting in a barber’s chair in what looks like the middle of a living room or sun porch. He looks about 40…

Sometimes I find myself siting all alone wondering, after two years since diagnosis, where I will find the strength to continue to live with AIDS. I think living with AIDS can be the hardest part, not the dieing [sic].

Johnnie

Then there’s a picture of a black man looking out a window at a hospital. He’s wearing a denim jacket and glasses…

Being tested HIV positive has not been easy. You can’t really set any goals, except to thank God for letting you see the breaking of a new day, a day that none of us have ever seen before. I take one day at a time and hope for the next day…

Jim

Then there’s a picture of a very weak looking guy named Dave in a hospital bed. His friend/lover is at the end of the room looking out the window…

I just wanted to say how scared I was, I’m so sick of being sick I can’t stand it. The cancer on my skin has gotten so bad I’m afraid to be seen in public. I thank God for the support of all my friends especially Ernie and Michael and to know that they are there. It’s just sometimes for me it’s hard. Its hard being the one that’s always smiling and saying everything is okay. Sometimes I feel like its not okay. After working all the years I’ve worked I finally made a name for myself. It’s all taken away. I don’t want to have to settle for that. People say you should be happy to be alive. This to me is not living. But I’ll be okay. I’ll go to sleep and wake up tomorrow and everything will be fine again.

When I found I had AIDS it didn’t bother me as far as knowing I was going to die. Dieing doesn’t scare me, but leaving my friends did. I was always afraid of what was going to happen. I guess I was still scared…

Dave died before the book was published. His friends transcribed his words from audio cassette.

Which reminds me, one of the things I wish I had done before my lover died was to record his voice. I’ve forgotten what his voice sounded like…

Damn… I’m sitting here barely able to see the screen through my tears. All of you guys who think I don’t remember what it was like - that I’m somehow spitting on the graves of those who died - fuck you. I do remember. It’s just things are very different now. Very very different.

That was a time of death. Now we’re in a time of living. A lot of people who went through that are still very angry and their fears about things like HIV are very deep seated. I get that - this post has been really difficult to write because I went through it too.

While things have changed, if you don’t get tested your experience will be like the guys above rather than the healthy poz guys you see around you living normal lives.

Please get tested… Know your HIV status so you can live a long healthy life…

I’m not sure how I feel about it though… I mean this means the organization behind inSPOT could have a database of guys who are getting STDs… I prefer to tell guys myself when it happens (and appreciate it when guys tell me)… But I guess it’s better than nothing…

One of the big limitations is that you need the guy’s e-mail address. It’s too bad they haven’t partnered with the major hookup sites so you can send the same message to say a Manhunt profile.

No matter how you do it - tell partners they may have been exposed… STDs are a drag and if we’re just honest with each other and get them treated quickly, they’ll spread less which means fewer STDs for everyone - including you!

A new report is out today from the NYC Department of Health (PDF) that shows that a surprising number of New Yorkers are using condoms… Here are some of the findings:

• Gay men with multiple partners are more likely to use condoms than straight guys or bisexual guys. 75% of gay men used condoms in their last sexual encounter compared to 63% of straight guys and 55% of bisexual guys.
• 23% of gay men had 5 or more sex partners in the past year (compared to 6% of straight guys).
• 62% (straight + gay) of guys with 5 or more sex partners used a condom the last time they had sex.
• Overall 60% of New Yorkers used condoms in their last sexual encounter.
• 18-24 year olds (men + women, gay + straight) are more likely to use condoms.

I’m sorta surprised the the numbers - that so many guys are using condoms… Only 25% of gay sex in New York is bareback. But the good news is that the percentage is nearly double for bisexual guys (45%). [Great news for us, but possibly scary for the women they fuck who don't know they're bisexual.]

I’m also really surprised that only 23% of gay guys in New York have 5 or more sex partners. Hell, I had double that the other night at the bathhouse in Montreal (if you count oral in with fucking).

According to the spreadsheet I’m keeping of my hookups, if I keep up at the pace I’ve gone so far this year, I’ll get my bare dick in 89 holes I’ve never fucked before, plus the ones I have fucked for a total of 113 sexual encounters, and I’ll deposit 87 loads in guys’ asses… If you add in oral sex at places like backrooms and bathhouses, I’d be well over 100 sex partners this year… And I don’t even consider myself to be all that sex-obsessed… I mean there are guys who are getting a lot more sex than me… There are plenty of nights (like tonight) when I’m just not in the mood…

Even in my slower years I was getting in about 25 new asses each year and depositing slightly fewer loads than that… The concept that over 3/4ths of gay guys have fewer than 5 sexual partners when a slow year for me is 25 (plus oral) is sorta shocking… I mean who are these people and why aren’t they having sex?

I’ve been chatting with “BareBottom1980” - the blogger out in Omaha. He sorta proves a point that anyone can have a good sex life. He had gotten really heavy at one point, he’s lost a lot of weight but would still be considered “fat” by a lot of guys, but that’s not stopping him - he’s having a great ‘ol time taking loads. What changed for him? He just decided to be a slut… He’ll take a load from just about anyone… There are plenty of guys willing to nutt in his ass (even in the Omaha), and he’s loving every minute of it…

So there’s really no good excuse for a sucky sex life. Get your ass (or dick) out there and have fun!

Bottom line - we’ve got some work to do… To get down the percentage of guys using condoms, and to get up the percentage of guys with lots of sex partners…