Load 2008-66

If you remember it wasn’t that long ago that I thought the Brazilian was upset with me. Last night I had seen him online on BarebackRT, but was sorta tired. I knew he was available today, so we said we’d look for each other and fuck during the day. Then I wound up fucking the other guy last night and hoped that didn’t make it difficult to cum with the Brazilian today.

So I see him online and we arrange a time for me to go over to his place. I have to run a few errands before I go over and when I get there and buzz his bell a few times but he doesn’t answer. I try both of his phone numbers - no answer. A while back he had fallen asleep and a similar thing had happened. Needless to say I was pissed and wondering whether he was jerking me around, but there was nothing I could do and I just went home.

When I get home I see there’s a message from him saying something came up, he had to run downtown, and could we hookup at 1pm. If I had checked my e-mails before going out I would have seen it, so I stopped being angry at him, though a text message or call would have been nice.

So he gets over here a little after 1pm and we get naked (well, I kept my shirt on), and he gave me a blowjob. I think he was enjoying the blowjob, but it wasn’t all that great from my perspective. What I really wanted was to fuck. He had lubed his ass before he came over, so when he finally stopped, got up and bent over the bed it was easy to get in him.

I fucked him bent over the bed for a while, then pushed him onto the bed and fucked him on his belly - which is my favorite position with him. For a while I was wondering whether I could cum, but then I could feel it building and blew my load in his hole.

We rolled over made small talk for a couple minutes and then he had to be on his way and I needed to get back to work. I think he had another top scheduled for today, so who knows what he was off to…

All in all I think he’s getting fucked a lot these days. He’s finally discovered BarebackRT and he posts ads on Craigslist constantly. I commented on how many ads he’s placing and how he must be getting a lot of action. He just smiled and said something like “yeah, my butt is pretty happy”. What’s curious is that even though his profile still says he’s neg, his Craigslist ads never mention the word ‘neg’. We haven’t discussed it, but I wonder what point of the process he’s at these days…

Well, I’m back to being horny and wanting to hookup. Started last night, but I had other things to do last night, so tonight I was looking, but for some reason there weren’t a lot of options (I even looked on Manhunt). Finally this Brazilian guy from Adam4Adam who lived just over the Bridge in New Jersey said he’d come over… He didn’t have a fave pic in his profile, but asked for my e-mail address and said he’d send one. Thing was, I didn’t get it even though he said he had sent it.

He called and then came over. When he arrived I knew there was going to be a problem. Let’d just say he was short and Latin, but I wasn’t into him. His profile said he ws 38. I’d add about 10 years to that and he wasn’t aging all that well… I had him come in, showed him into the bedroom. We took off our clothes then I realized he was a smoker (who wanted to kiss)…

After a while, he sucked my dick a bit, but I wasn’t responding. I hadn’t taken a pill or anything ’cause I didn’t think I needed to ’cause I was pretty horny. But this guy just wasn’t doing anything for me. I figured I’d try to eat his ass to see if that would help. I went down only to find it didn’t smell all that clean. I sorta played at rimming, not wanting to get too serious if his hole was dirty…

I put a fair amount of spit on his hole, stood up and tried to fuck him. He said to go slow, but I just wasn’t getting in… So we went back to other stuff like him sucking my dick. Then we tried again and again I just wasn’t getting in. I wasn’t totally hard, but I was hard enough. So I fingered his hole and found he was incredibly tight. I think he was clenching, but who knows… Then as I was fingering him I felt shit up there…

That was the end of it. I said I didn’t think it was going to work and went into the bathroom to clean the lube off my dick. The had no intention of getting fucked. He didn’t clean out and he was clenching. And on top of that he didn’t do anything for me…

Hopefully I’ll find some decent ass tomorrow to make up for it…  ;)   At least I wasn’t the one who had to pay the bridge toll…

I don’t usually reminisce on the blog, but you’ll understand why by the time I’m done with the story…

I moved to New York in 1990 to go to grad school. When I came here I was pretty inexperienced sexually. I had had sex for the first time just 8 months before, and had sex with a total of 3 guys at that point. A one night stand who was “my first”. An older guy I dated for the Spring semester of my Senior year before he moved to San Francisco, and a party boy I dated over the summer before I moved to NYC.

New York was like a big playground and I was this shy, sorta geeky, guy who didn’t know how to make the most of it. In hindsight I really should have gone to the big sex (”j/o”) club everyone was going to, but it scared me. I was taking things at my own pace, which in hindsight was way too inhibited…

Long story short, I ran up credit card debt (in part by going out to see the ex-boyfriend who moved to SF) and by the end of January I needed money. I knew there was a respectable hustler bar over on the east side - Rounds @ 53rd and 2nd avenue, so I went there and started doing sex work which I did for about 9 months to supplement my income.

Despite the fact that I had dated someone who did drugs every weekend, I hadn’t done drugs until after I moved to NY - and then only X and only a handful of times. One of those times was the Saint-at-Large White Party. I went out to clubs a lot back then, but the White Party was huge. I had nothing but these skimpy white little shorts on that didn’t leave much to the imagination. I remember seeing guys walking around in K holes… And then there was him - this adorable Latino who I saw on the dance floor. He was muscular, very little body fat, short, great smile - in other words totally my type (even today). I’ll call him “Alex”, but that’s not his real name…

He liked me, I liked him and we left the dance floor together. I was on cloud nine. From my perspective he was totally out of my league and here he was just wanting me. I had never had someone that hot want me before… We made out, talked (as much as you could in a club) and then he mentioned he was working the party - that he was a bartender and had to work the second shift.

If you know anything about circuit parties the White Party is up there and being a bartender at the White Party is about as good as it gets if you’re a bartender. When he had to go check in for work I followed him back into the kitchen and saw a guy from my gym. Alex asked me how I knew Jason and I said he went to my gym. I knew Jason managed a club - what I didn’t realize was that he had been the General Manager of the Saint, he was then the manager of the Saint-at-Large, and he then became the General Manager of the Roxy until it closed a couple years ago. Funny how small the world is - even in a city like New York. Anyway, Jason was Alex’s boss.

Alex then went on duty. He’d sneak me a drink every now and then, but there was a guy watching him and he could really only give me soda… Finally, I went home. Since I couldn’t really hang out with him and didn’t have any intention of hooking up with anyone else, there wasn’t any point in staying once I had gotten the dancing out of my system.

The walk home was magical. I was in love (so to speak), it was sunrise, snow was gently falling, and I was coming down from a wonderful high on X. If you’ve been in NYC on a quiet morning when it’s snowing you’ll know it’s really special even when you’re not high and coming home from meeting a really hot guy… The City gets really quiet when it’s snowing… As I walked through Times Square the lights were brightly flashing, and the subway generators, which you can’t even hear on a normal day, seemed incredibly loud.

It was puppy love - infatuation - whatever you want to call it. It only lasted for six weeks, but it was a really memorable six weeks… On the plus side - he was bartending at Uncle Charlie’s which was one of my favorite bars (and a really popular bar back then), and then he quit there and started bartending at the Roxy. In fact some nights he was the only gay bartender at the Roxy. The owner was straight and tended to hire straight guys who’d sorta half way pretend to flirt with the gay guys to get good tips. And then right about the time we broke up he started bartending and then go-go dancing at a club named Parallel Bar where John Blair was throwing parties (but it turned out to be a bit of a flash in the pan).

Sexually things were pretty intense. He had this wonderful uncut cock that was always hard as steel. Back then I was “versatile”, but he was always a top with me. My memory is pretty fuzzy, but I’m pretty sure he’d always want to fuck me raw, but I’d always put a condom on him when he fucked me (we’re talking the height of the AIDS crisis). At some point before I met him I had gotten a tear “down there” and wasn’t the best bottom, and I always felt like he wanted more from me sexually. Maybe it was just my insecurities - I don’t know…

There were some notable firsts with Alex… He showed me how to trim my body hair with a beard trimmer. I still have a trimmer just like the one he used on me that first time. He taught me to use black hair care products to style a short “Chelsea boy” haircut. And he had me buy my first pair of combat boots…

But there were some downsides - he worked weird hours. Even though he’d been here for years his English was pretty rough and it was hard to communicate. That was particularly difficult when I went out with his friends and they were all speaking Portuguese and I didn’t have a clue what was going on around me. We were also just very different. I still remember him always watching this “feel good about yourself” sorta “spiritualist” who was on late night community access TV back then. I thought the guy was silly, but Alex was his #1 fan.

And the other big problem was that I was escorting and there were nights I needed to make money and he’d ask me what I was up to and I had to lie. I think he felt something was going on. It was, but it wasn’t what he thought it was… The escorting was also an issue ’cause I had started doing it a year after I had first had sex, which was confusing enough, and then I was trying to balance letting old men fuck me with having a hot go-go boy as a boyfriend…

Eventually he broke up with me. I was crushed - I’d see him out at the clubs and bars - he was friendly, but it was over. Curiously his next boyfriend was a blond Latino I had fucked the previous fall/winter. His English was really bad too - and they didn’t last long together since one spoke Spanish and the other Portuguese and neither spoke English all that well.

A few years later (’94/’95) I was at a gym and saw him. He had moved to Miami, but was in town for some reason. I still remember his face lit up when he saw me. There was a chemistry between us, even if we weren’t meant to be…

Fast forward 13 or 14 years to last night. I get an e-mail with pictures the new models on ManifestMen.com. I go and download some of them - there’s Zeb Atlas, and a few other guys. Loving Latinos like I do, I download pics of this one guy they call “Alexandre” and as I’m looking at the pics I realize it looks a lot like the guy I dated. He had been on a club flyer back when he was go-go dancing which I had kept, and I pulled it out and I’m almost certain it’s the same guy. It’s 17 years after the picture was taken, but the mouth is the same, his facial features are really similar. His body has changed a lot over those 17 years - far bigger and more ripped now.

I don’t know if he’d even remember me, but I’m just glad to see he’s still around and looking well…

Here are the recent pics of him from ManifestMen.com…

And here are the pics of him back in 1991…

Since some of you will find this interesting - here’s pics of what I looked like back then. These are from a photoshoot I did for Playguy within a few months of dating Alex… I did the photoshoot ’cause I was tired of having guys fuck me for money, but the photographer (Roberto Romo) fucked me in the middle of the shoot. I went away thinking it was pointless - I didn’t avoid getting fucked and now my pictures were going to be public. The reason why my ass looks so puckered is ’cause it’s freshly fucked

What’s funny is how insecure I was back then. I really didn’t think I looked all that hot. But looking at the pics, I’d totally fuck that…

So how’s that for a blast from the past? Don’t see an ex for over a decade and he winds up on Manifest Men. It really is a small world…

Been in a weird mood sexually the past few days. Sorta horny - and when I jack off to porn I can sometimes get rock hard and it would be so easy to cum. But then other times nothing gets me hard.

My theory is that the pills I was taking had something in them that’s lacking in my body. When I get a regular dose of whatever the magic ingredient is I have no problem getting hard, staying hard, and giving bottoms loads. I can even perform well when I’ve taken the pills days before. The fact that I stopped taking them and had no problems for a couple weeks tells me, whatever the magic ingredient is - that it stays in your system. I’m just not getting whatever that is in my regular diet.

But today, for the second time in a row, I had problems getting hard with a bottom. It was the Brazilian guy from the neighborhood who’s a regular fuck buddy. While I did get hard enough to fuck him for a bit, there’s really no point in going into the details ’cause not much of anything happened.

Before he actually even came over I had ordered more pills. The ones I was taking are no longer being sold, so I had to try the new type of pill by the same manufacturer. Hopefully it will work as well as the old one.

Load 2008-50

Well, with this fuck I hit 50 loads given so far this year. If things keep up I’ll hit 82 for the year… Not bad - way better than last year.

So this skinny Brazilian guy’s been hitting me up the past couple weeks on Manhunt, today I finally got to hookup with him. After doing the research study interview at CHEST I headed over to his place. When I saw the building I thought his place was going to be a miserable hell hole, but while it was really small it turned out to be not so bad…

He was a really sweet guy - skinny as a rail and somewhat child-like even though he was in his 30s… He was so happy I was hooking up with him… He wanted to put on a blindfold (he thought I was the only guy on the Internet who was also into blindfolds), but his building didn’t have a buzzer system so he put it on after we had met and chatted - it was more about him concentrating on the fuck rather than being an anonymous thing…

He took off his clothes pretty quickly he must have had a 27 or 28 inch waist and was so skinny he had a 6 pack - plus he was Latino - so he was definitely my type and I had zero problem popping a woodie. Before he put the blindfold on he pointed out where the lube and condoms were and then made it clear the condoms were completely optional.

We got down to business pretty quickly. He got on the bed and I pulled off his underwear and started eating out his ass. He was loving it - sorta whimpering and saying stuff I didn’t understand while I was eating him out. His ass was so skinny it was really pretty hot. His hole looked like it had gotten fucked a lot, which was fine with me - I like fucking sluts…

When I went to fuck him he wanted poppers. As soon as he had had a few really good inhales I started fucking him. I didn’t use any lube other than spit and he seemed to have a bit of trouble taking it so I went slow at first, but then when I got in nice and deep with his legs up over my shoulders I started fucking about as hard as I felt like. I could tell he’d just take it - he was happy to have me fuck him and would take whatever I gave him…

He kept whimpering and muttering things. Several times I thought I heard him saying “help me” followed by some other stuff, but I couldn’t really tell what it all was. It sounded like English (not Portuguese), but I couldn’t really get a handle on what he was saying.

I then flipped him over and kept fucking him. He felt really good. I could have cum several times but I took my time… I was getting hot and we were both sweating pretty profusely. Finally I just dumped my load deep in his ass…

Since my dog had eaten my pills, I didn’t have any help staying hard, but that wasn’t an issue. After I came I stayed hard for a while and kept slowly fucking him. I must have stayed in him 5 or 10 minutes and we just sorta cuddled.

This is when I really realized how child-like he was. I had sensed it for a while, but he was like a kid in a candy store or a kid who just opened the Christmas present he really wanted. At one point he said “I can’t believe you picked me“… He seemed really needy. In a way it was sweet, in another way I felt bad for him. He was literally fauning over me… I like sub bottoms, but he was a little over the top…

When we got up from cuddling he sucked me clean. While I figured he must be pretty clean since he didn’t have to clean me off before licking me click,  I wasn’t confident enough about that to felch his hole (I knew he had gotten home just a little before I got there and didn’t know how well he had douched)… Maybe next time on that one…

All in all a sweet guy who I definitely want to fuck again…

Load 2008-44

I did go to the gangbang last night. I’ve started the write up on it, but I’m waiting for pics of me fucking the bottom from the top who organized it…

This morning I was still horny. I was a little worried about how a hookup would go ’cause I hadn’t eaten much of anything, and hadn’t taken any pills or anything (except last night)… But when I was looking at pics on Manhunt I had a rock hard cock, so I knew things should at least be able to work for fucking - even if I couldn’t cum…

There were a few options, but this one hot light-skinned black guy couldn’t commit to hooking up, and other guys were too far away (subway is running via shuttle buses again this weekend). Then the Brazilian guy who lives near me contacted me and said “Fuck Me”. It was quick, easy and local - so I had him come over…

It was a pretty basic hookup with him… He sucked my cock, I fucked him, came in his ass, we cuddled, and he left… Pretty much like a lot of the other times we hooked up. The only thing that was different was that I nearly came when I had his legs up - that almost never happens - usually I can only cum with him on his belly. The other notable thing was that I was able to come 12 hours after I last came - that something that’s usually pretty hard for me…

So it was a good hookup. Got me over my horniness…