I’ve been feeling completely normal the last few days and had plans to hookup with a guy this evening but he sorta canceled on me (though it may still happen).

So I figured I’d fuck the Brazilian from the neighborhood since he has a party listing up on BarebackRT (which even states his address, though it says not to show up without being invited). But he didn’t respond to the message I sent a few days ago saying ‘hi’, and he didn’t respond to my party request. So I was wondering whether he was mad at me. I sent a message asking him pretty bluntly if he was mad at me or something. He didn’t respond to that either. It wasn’t long ago that he was asking me to come by and give him a load so I really don’t know what the deal is with him.

Next the piss bottom I fucked with my PA was online. I told him I wanted to fuck him and he volunteered that two guys had cum in him this morning, but he said he was scared of me. At the same time he was friendly, so not sure how to interpret that.

Then a early-20s guy hits me up on Adam4Adam and says he saw my XTube videos, he thinks I’m hot, etc. Turns out he’s a couple blocks from me, but doesn’t want to hookup ’cause he’s “paranoid about diseases” (I think barebacking freaks him out). So that’s not happening either…

UGH!

UPDATE: The Brazilian got back to me today, said he wasn’t mad or anything and wants to take my load (no specific time). Said he had enough tops lined up yesterday and didn’t need more. But he coulda said that yesterday, so I still think there was something weird going on yesterday…

I know it’s been a while since my last fuck. Sorry about that. I’m sorta horny these days, but sorta not… And I’m just not all that sexually aroused… My mind has been more on work than anything else. Sure I look at porn during the day to do posts on the porn blog, but it’s not doing all that much for me. I’ve been jacking off just ’cause I don’t feel like bothering with hookups. But even when I jack off there are times when I’m just not into it - it feels forced and I don’t even get or stay hard…

Frankly, I’m suprised a period like this didn’t happen months ago. It’s just part of the natural ebb and flow of my sex life… But don’t worry - I’ll get back to fucking soon enough…  ;)  I was thinking of fucking someone yesterday. Maybe I’ll take a pill and fuck someone later today just to keep in the swing of things…

The gangbang I told you about in the last post… Well, it was a shoot for Treasure Island. I was really psyched to be in another Treasure Island film. I got all ready. Had my boyfriend help me figure out what I should wear, etc… I couldn’t find my leather cock ring and needed to leave, so I grabbed one of those soft rubber ones.

I get down there and this cute cub greets me at the door. It’s a small hotel room and they were in the middle of filming the top who was just before me. He was this massive black guy - very hot. Max waved ‘hi’ and they continued on…

The room was stifling hot ’cause it was small and there were 6 people (plus me) and really bright, hot lights for filming. On top of that I had taken a part of one of my pills and was feeling a little flush which just exaggerated the heat. I went into the bathroom to get ready and found it was the coolest place there. I put on the cock ring and sat down on the edge of the tub and waited.

The black guy was taking his time cumming… After about 10 minutes I checked my dick ’cause I was worried the cock ring was a little tight and didn’t want to have a purple dick. Then I saw it - a blood vessel had burst on the top of my dick and it created a big dark spot, and there was a smaller one next to it. It was just in the wrong place for filming and would have looked like I had a KS lesion on my dick or something…

When they took a break Max came over and I showed it to him. He went back to filming while he thought about what to do. But I knew the result - you just can’t film around something like that…

Dammit! I am so fucking bummed… The bottom was this early-20s twinkish jock. He was a newbie to porn and it would have been really cool to fuck him. He had 5 loads in him already and they were expecting to get about a dozen loads in him today…

And it was such a stupid mistake for me. I’ve had problems like that with metal cock rings before, but never with the soft rubber ones. I really should have known better - I could tell it was tight going on…

Hopefully Max will use me again soon… We’ll see. It sounds like that was the last in the current round of filming for him, so it might be a while…

On top of it I now have an ugly spot on my dick that’s not going to go away for a week or so. Who’s going to want to have me fuck them with my dick looking like that?

Oh well… That’s life I guess…

There’s this guy who has been wanting me to fuck him for over a really long time (2?+ years), but things just never worked out… So finally we set up a time two days ago for a quick pump-and-dump at his place before work. He gives me an address and a cell number but tells me to text him ’cause service is bad in his area.

I text him as I’m leaving, then I show up, buzz the bell, someone lets me in, I walk up a flight of stairs. The guy said he’d be naked in his bedroom, butt up, but the door wasn’t ajar and when I tried it (gently) it was locked. A guy immediately opened the door, but he didn’t look anything like the pics of the guy I’m supposed to meet - he just wasn’t attractive at all. Not butt ugly, but definitely below average. On top of everything he looked a bit confused. I asked “Are you expecting me?”, he said “No”, so I said “Sorry, I must have the wrong place” and I left…

I get out to the street and start texting the guy, but figure what the hell, I’ll call him… When I call his number I get “The PCS Subscriber you called is temporarily not in service.” I’m pretty sure if he was just out of range I would have heard something about “cannot be located”, not “temporarily not in service”.

I’m wondering who the guy was who answered the door and what his relationship was to the guy I was supposed to meet. I think there’s a good chance he was the guy, but one of those guys who never gets anyone ’cause he doesn’t look anything like his pics. Or he’s someone the guy knew. The address I had gone to was a a few blocks from what I had remembered his address was when we had talked about hooking up before - but close enough that I thought I might have been wrong in what I remembered.

Curiously, in the past he had given me an address that was on the same block that the blogger ‘confessions of a bareback top‘ had told me he lived on - and the pics of him and ‘confessions’ were similar enough that I thought they might be the same person. Who knows, maybe the guy who answered the door was ‘confessions’…

UPDATE:

It’s now early Feb ‘08 and I’m convinced the guy who told me to come over was ‘Confessions’. The profile of the guy says he’s in the UK, and Confessions had a post last week asking where to go in the UK… The question is whether he was just jerking me and gave me the wrong address and phone number and had me show up at some apartment other than his. That’s what I think probably happened - although the guy who answered the door could have been him… I don’t really know.

In other words, I may not know if the guy who answered the door was Confessions, but I can say that Confessions was the same guy who for years wanted to take my load (he literally used the word “begging” when he’d ask me to fuck him). Sheds a whole new light on him - seems like all these things he says he’s doing to bottoms are actually things he wants done to himself…

He’s been a total prick lately in our private communications, but I still have a soft spot for him… If he’d chill out a bit, and possibly take my load, all would be forgiven…

This guy has been hitting me up on Adam4Adam… Cute youngish black guy with a nice ass and a face pic that shows that he’s a nice, normal guy…

Well today he wanted to hookup. Since his profile mentioned “safe” in the text of it (not just in the pre-formatted choice lists), I figured I’d check to see if he was really up for getting fucked raw…

given what you said in your profile… just want to confirm that you’re OK with getting fucked raw and taking my load…

To which he answered…

i’ll do it bare. ill swallow for sure..but no load in me…

That raised a few red flags, so I said…

i don’t pull out… so looks like we’re not a match… too bad…

Then he reversed himself…

you want to breeed me? Ok. ( honestly, i want to be breed. never had a guy cum in me before) i want to be bad. i’m really lookig for regular sex buddy. I dont want to just have baresex, and take cum if it’s only a one time thing

Long story short he asked if I was poz or neg, asked for my address and phone number and then said he was leaving.

45 minutes later (when I expected him to arrive) he calls and says he’s just leaving and something about stopping off somewhere. I wait some more and he doesn’t show up, so I figure he’s getting cold feet about taking a load for the first time and he’s chickened out. Whatever. By this time I wasn’t all that horny.

Then two and a half hours after he first said he was leaving I get a call saying he’s outside my building. The problem was my bf and I were getting ready to leave and go do something with friends. I felt bad about his coming all the way up here, but boyfriend and friends trumps tricks every time, so I told him I couldn’t hookup…

The moral of the story is if you say you’re leaving now, go directly to the hookup. If you’re not going to, don’t make it sound like you are - be clear about things or else you’ll waste a bunch of time.

He was pissed as first, but saw things from my perspective later and wrote me an e-mail and then called. We might hookup in the future… I’m sorta looking forward to starting him down the road of taking loads. I think once he gets a taste of having cum in his ass he’ll start craving it and looking for it all the time. He obviously wants it…

Work has been intense lately - mostly in a good way - which means I haven’t had as much free time on my hands. When I do have free time I just want to flop and take it easy. Yeah, it’d be nice to have some bottom being attentive to me, getting me going and then taking my load. But it’s just too much work to find someone. I’ve even blown off a few of you who read this blog who’ve been in town… Sorry about that.

The closest thing I’ve had to sex for weeks and weeks was a little (really quick) suck action with an old friend of my bf. Guy had a nice cock on him, but the word is he’s mostly top and doesn’t fuck raw… Too bad. Still, I sorta wish I could find a bottom to spend the weekend at his place in the country getting fucked raw by me and my bf and however my bf’s friend wants to fuck. (The bottom could always dump the load from the condom up his ass… Just ’cause it’s ’safe’ for the top doesn’t mean the bottom can’t get the load in his ass…)

So tonight we’re going out to a movie and then to the Eagle with the friend of a friend I’ve mentioned before. Maybe something will happen - who knows…