So I figured I’d fuck the Brazilian from the neighborhood since he has a party listing up on BarebackRT (which even states his address, though it says not to show up without being invited). But he didn’t respond to the message I sent a few days ago saying ‘hi’, and he didn’t respond to my party request. So I was wondering whether he was mad at me. I sent a message asking him pretty bluntly if he was mad at me or something. He didn’t respond to that either. It wasn’t long ago that he was asking me to come by and give him a load so I really don’t know what the deal is with him.

Next the piss bottom I fucked with my PA was online. I told him I wanted to fuck him and he volunteered that two guys had cum in him this morning, but he said he was scared of me. At the same time he was friendly, so not sure how to interpret that.

Then a early-20s guy hits me up on Adam4Adam and says he saw my XTube videos, he thinks I’m hot, etc. Turns out he’s a couple blocks from me, but doesn’t want to hookup ’cause he’s “paranoid about diseases” (I think barebacking freaks him out). So that’s not happening either…

UGH!

UPDATE: The Brazilian got back to me today, said he wasn’t mad or anything and wants to take my load (no specific time). Said he had enough tops lined up yesterday and didn’t need more. But he coulda said that yesterday, so I still think there was something weird going on yesterday…

Frankly, I’m suprised a period like this didn’t happen months ago. It’s just part of the natural ebb and flow of my sex life… But don’t worry - I’ll get back to fucking soon enough…  ;)  I was thinking of fucking someone yesterday. Maybe I’ll take a pill and fuck someone later today just to keep in the swing of things…

I get down there and this cute cub greets me at the door. It’s a small hotel room and they were in the middle of filming the top who was just before me. He was this massive black guy - very hot. Max waved ‘hi’ and they continued on…

The room was stifling hot ’cause it was small and there were 6 people (plus me) and really bright, hot lights for filming. On top of that I had taken a part of one of my pills and was feeling a little flush which just exaggerated the heat. I went into the bathroom to get ready and found it was the coolest place there. I put on the cock ring and sat down on the edge of the tub and waited.

The black guy was taking his time cumming… After about 10 minutes I checked my dick ’cause I was worried the cock ring was a little tight and didn’t want to have a purple dick. Then I saw it - a blood vessel had burst on the top of my dick and it created a big dark spot, and there was a smaller one next to it. It was just in the wrong place for filming and would have looked like I had a KS lesion on my dick or something…

When they took a break Max came over and I showed it to him. He went back to filming while he thought about what to do. But I knew the result - you just can’t film around something like that…

Dammit! I am so fucking bummed… The bottom was this early-20s twinkish jock. He was a newbie to porn and it would have been really cool to fuck him. He had 5 loads in him already and they were expecting to get about a dozen loads in him today…

And it was such a stupid mistake for me. I’ve had problems like that with metal cock rings before, but never with the soft rubber ones. I really should have known better - I could tell it was tight going on…

Hopefully Max will use me again soon… We’ll see. It sounds like that was the last in the current round of filming for him, so it might be a while…

On top of it I now have an ugly spot on my dick that’s not going to go away for a week or so. Who’s going to want to have me fuck them with my dick looking like that?

Oh well… That’s life I guess…

I text him as I’m leaving, then I show up, buzz the bell, someone lets me in, I walk up a flight of stairs. The guy said he’d be naked in his bedroom, butt up, but the door wasn’t ajar and when I tried it (gently) it was locked. A guy immediately opened the door, but he didn’t look anything like the pics of the guy I’m supposed to meet - he just wasn’t attractive at all. Not butt ugly, but definitely below average. On top of everything he looked a bit confused. I asked “Are you expecting me?”, he said “No”, so I said “Sorry, I must have the wrong place” and I left…

I get out to the street and start texting the guy, but figure what the hell, I’ll call him… When I call his number I get “The PCS Subscriber you called is temporarily not in service.” I’m pretty sure if he was just out of range I would have heard something about “cannot be located”, not “temporarily not in service”.

I’m wondering who the guy was who answered the door and what his relationship was to the guy I was supposed to meet. I think there’s a good chance he was the guy, but one of those guys who never gets anyone ’cause he doesn’t look anything like his pics. Or he’s someone the guy knew. The address I had gone to was a a few blocks from what I had remembered his address was when we had talked about hooking up before - but close enough that I thought I might have been wrong in what I remembered.

Curiously, in the past he had given me an address that was on the same block that the blogger ‘confessions of a bareback top‘ had told me he lived on - and the pics of him and ‘confessions’ were similar enough that I thought they might be the same person. Who knows, maybe the guy who answered the door was ‘confessions’…

UPDATE:

It’s now early Feb ‘08 and I’m convinced the guy who told me to come over was ‘Confessions’. The profile of the guy says he’s in the UK, and Confessions had a post last week asking where to go in the UK… The question is whether he was just jerking me and gave me the wrong address and phone number and had me show up at some apartment other than his. That’s what I think probably happened - although the guy who answered the door could have been him… I don’t really know.

In other words, I may not know if the guy who answered the door was Confessions, but I can say that Confessions was the same guy who for years wanted to take my load (he literally used the word “begging” when he’d ask me to fuck him). Sheds a whole new light on him - seems like all these things he says he’s doing to bottoms are actually things he wants done to himself…

He’s been a total prick lately in our private communications, but I still have a soft spot for him… If he’d chill out a bit, and possibly take my load, all would be forgiven…

Well today he wanted to hookup. Since his profile mentioned “safe” in the text of it (not just in the pre-formatted choice lists), I figured I’d check to see if he was really up for getting fucked raw…

given what you said in your profile… just want to confirm that you’re OK with getting fucked raw and taking my load…

To which he answered…

i’ll do it bare. ill swallow for sure..but no load in me…

That raised a few red flags, so I said…

i don’t pull out… so looks like we’re not a match… too bad…

Then he reversed himself…

you want to breeed me? Ok. ( honestly, i want to be breed. never had a guy cum in me before) i want to be bad. i’m really lookig for regular sex buddy. I dont want to just have baresex, and take cum if it’s only a one time thing

Long story short he asked if I was poz or neg, asked for my address and phone number and then said he was leaving.

45 minutes later (when I expected him to arrive) he calls and says he’s just leaving and something about stopping off somewhere. I wait some more and he doesn’t show up, so I figure he’s getting cold feet about taking a load for the first time and he’s chickened out. Whatever. By this time I wasn’t all that horny.

Then two and a half hours after he first said he was leaving I get a call saying he’s outside my building. The problem was my bf and I were getting ready to leave and go do something with friends. I felt bad about his coming all the way up here, but boyfriend and friends trumps tricks every time, so I told him I couldn’t hookup…

The moral of the story is if you say you’re leaving now, go directly to the hookup. If you’re not going to, don’t make it sound like you are - be clear about things or else you’ll waste a bunch of time.

He was pissed as first, but saw things from my perspective later and wrote me an e-mail and then called. We might hookup in the future… I’m sorta looking forward to starting him down the road of taking loads. I think once he gets a taste of having cum in his ass he’ll start craving it and looking for it all the time. He obviously wants it…

The closest thing I’ve had to sex for weeks and weeks was a little (really quick) suck action with an old friend of my bf. Guy had a nice cock on him, but the word is he’s mostly top and doesn’t fuck raw… Too bad. Still, I sorta wish I could find a bottom to spend the weekend at his place in the country getting fucked raw by me and my bf and however my bf’s friend wants to fuck. (The bottom could always dump the load from the condom up his ass… Just ’cause it’s ’safe’ for the top doesn’t mean the bottom can’t get the load in his ass…)

So tonight we’re going out to a movie and then to the Eagle with the friend of a friend I’ve mentioned before. Maybe something will happen - who knows…

Part of the reason why it hasn’t gotten sexual is ’cause my dick felt a little itchy and I’ve been meaning to go have it checked out (it’s been 6 months since my last test). But it was itchy right around my PA - so it’s just as likely that that’s what’s acting up ’cause it’s been getting worked over as I J/O…

But anyway, I digress… So yesterday afternoon I was tired but horny. I figured I’d try to find a hole to drop a load in on my way to meet my bf and a friend for drinks, so I posted an ad on Craigslist. You’d think it wouldn’t be hard to find a bareback bottom in midtown or Chelsea, but all I was getting was people on the Upper West Side and even one in the Bronx.

So I had another idea… I thought I’d stop by an ABS and see what the gloryhole action was like. So I got onto squirt.org and jotted down a few to try.

I should start by saying ‘back in the day’ I never really liked ABSs… They always seemed like a huge waste of money. I’m not big on blow jobs - they’re just foreplay to me, and bathhouses always seemed like a better bang for the buck (pun intended). Only once did I ever have a bottom back onto my dick in an ABS, but I’d get to bareback multiple guys when I went to a bathhouse…

Yesterday didn’t change my mind any… Not only did I get caught in a downpour with no umbrella on my way to the bookstore, but when I got there the sign said $1 for 3 minutes. $20/hr? Damn - bathhouses are a lot better than that… Bottom line I wasn’t going to pay $1 for 3 minutes of maybe getting my dick sucked, so I walked out…

I then met up with my bf and had a drink at Gym Sportsbar - I like that place a lot. In a day when all the bars charge an arm and a leg for crappy drinks, Gym has good drinks at good prices. And they have a good crowd - a little bit of everything, actually. I just wish bars in NYC had backrooms…

Turns out for the longest time we were standing next to the guy I thought was the hottest guy in there… He reminded me of a muscley bartender / go-go dancer I dated ages ago… Hot, hot body, and sweet guy, but also not the brightest bulb in the pack… And there was a latin bottom who reminded me of my Brazilian fb, who kept looking at me, but I was too tired to interrupt him and his friend and start talking to him…

So yes, one of these days I actually need to fuck someone and spread some of my seed… But life’s busy in a good way, so I’m not complaining…

There are a couple of reasons for the inactivity. Without going into too much detail (”nothing personal…”) I’m self employed and while that means I can hookup in the middle of the day when I’m not busy, it also means that when I am busy I can be completely swamped - and I’ve definitely been swamped. The nervous energy of being worried about being behind with work has sorta killed my drive to seed holes (believe it or not).

The other reason is because I had a call from the doctor saying that when I was tested for STDs in January that I tested positive for chlamydia, which is one of those things you can have and not know it, but even when the call came I hadn’t fucked anyone in over a week so that only really slowed me down for a week or so (I took my pills and had to wait a week).

The weird part was that they didn’t call me for 4 weeks (the results are supposed to come back in two weeks). To me that’s just lame. Who knows how long I had it, but I told some of the guys I fucked and the Brazilian told me he came back completely neg, so apparently I didn’t have it back then. Between him and the test there were 6 hookups (1 2 3 4 5 6) with 5 guys. I’m guessing it was the guy who likes anonymous, blindfolded gangbangs, just ’cause that’s the easiest way to get it, but who knows…

But that’s life… Coulda gotten chlamydia from a blowjob too, so it’s not like I’m going to feel bad about it or anything…

Nevertheless, it’s been a month or so since I got past the week when I wasn’t supposed to have sex, and I still haven’t had sex - so work really has a lot to do with it.

I’ve also had some occasional light pain in my left testicle since some time around the beginning of the year. I thought it might be epididymitis caused by the chlamydia, but that’s supposed to be really painful and what I have isn’t painful much at all. And if the Brazilian didn’t get anything from me then it’s probably unrelated and couldn’t be something that’s caused by something I didn’t have at the start of the year. I’ve seen the doctor about it once when it got a little worse a couple weeks ago. Since then it seems to be calming down a bit, so I’m not going to worry about it…

Things are starting to calm down work-wise, so I promise to start up my sex life again… Trust me, I miss seeding ass…