So I was determined to make the most of tonight since I had some time to myself. This guy had made plans to come over like a week ago or so, but when I logged onto BarebackRT he had just logged off. So I looked around to see who else was available. This other Mexican guy who I’d been talking to for a while was available, so he said he’d come over, but he wanted to stop off and find some poppers.

Then the first guy got back to me and wanted to come over, so I was upfront and told him I double booked - could he come a little later. He was fine with it, so I had two set up for tonight… There were other guys who were interested, some pretty cute (including a 19 y.o. and a early 20s guy who wanted me to practically rape him), but I just logged off…

The Mexican guy called a few times ’cause he had a little trouble finding the hotel, but a little over an hour later he was at my door. He really was pretty hot. Sorta a young version of a man - very masculine and pretty reserved, though he stripped down pretty quickly.

As we started playing he wasn’t too keen on sucking my dick, but he liked getting his sucked (it wasn’t very big which is probably why he’s a bottom). He didn’t like to kiss, but he liked looking at me and “making a connection”. He was sorta a mass of contradictions

His hole was really nice - I rimmed it for a while and I could tell it has been fucked a fair amount and could take dick pretty easy. After getting it nice and wet I stood up, spit on my dick a bit and shoved in. He really could take it pretty well, and we fucked like that for a bit, but when I flipped him over he had a problem with taking it and wanted lube (that’s twice in a row that’s happened - weird).

So, long story short, we kept changing positions. It felt best when he was on his belly, but he didn’t seem to like that. He didn’t arch his back, so when he was on all fours or bent over the bed I couldn’t get in as well as I wanted to. And so I fucked him on his back (missionary position), and fucked him like that for a while, and I got close, but it just wasn’t rubbing my dick quite right, so I got tired before I was able to cum. When I slowed down he took it as I wasn’t going to cum, and he came himself (he’d been jacking his dick).

Once he had cum, I scooped up his cum and put it on my dick for lube, but he didn’t want to get fucked any more, so I stopped. We laid there for a few minutes and then he wanted to go. Apparently he only had an hour of parking…

All in all the chemistry was a little weird. Not exactly sure why. From how things went I think he thought it was my fault, and I’d probably say it was a bit his fault… He didn’t quite seem like he was totally into it and he didn’t seem hungry for my cum. But he was still a pretty good fuck…

So now the next guy will be here in about a half hour. Not sure if I’m going to post that right away or wait… I’ll need to pay for another day of Internet access to post it tonight, we’ll see… But at least I have another guy to fuck since I didn’t cum with this one…

Load 2008-58

Well, finally a fuck that went the way it was supposed to go… There’s this Latin guy on the Upper West Side - advertises on Craigslist constantly, see him on the hookup sites, etc. He’s been doing it for years - I first fucked him in early 2004 (maybe late 2003). Anyway, he’s the type everyone has fucked - probably multiple times (like me)…

The funny part about this guy is that his Adam4Adam profile says he’s neg… Yeah, right… This is my 58th load this year, it’s probably his 58th load in the last month - all no questions, anonymous fucks…

So, I was still horny after yesterday so when he sends me a message on Adam4Adam I ask him how many loads he has in him and tell him I’m interested. Get gets back to me saying he’s got two in him and asks how quickly can I be over.

Long story short I’m there in like 45 minutes (completely wet ’cause it started raining and I wasn’t expecting it)… He’s on the bed, face down, ass up, like usual (he typically doesn’t look at you until he’s got your load). I rimmed him a bit until I got hard. Unfortunately he had this greasy lube on his hole, but it didn’t taste aweful or anything, but it was enough that I did a pretty superficial job of rimming him.

When I got hard I pushed in, and after a few thrusts pushed him down on the bed and fucked him pretty hard. Last time I fucked him I had a problem cumming, but gave him a good hard fuck. The problem was he didn’t really want a hard fuck - his ass was sore. Same thing this time. He put up with my fuck, but I could tell it was more endurance than pleasure. But the bottom line for him was that he wanted my load. He’s a good bottom and never told me to stop or anything, but I could tell from his grunts and groans and the way he moved around that I was being rough on him.

I started so hard and rough that I actually got to this point where I was pretty much panting. I was starting to lose my energy and I wasn’t close to cumming. So I slowed down a little and got his ass massaging my dick just right and came as soon as I could. I knew he didn’t want to draw it out and I had promised my bf I’d “make it quick”…

As soon as I came I pulled out, he got up and handed me a paper towel, I wiped myself off and left. It was just a pump and dump which is what it usualy is with him. There’s been a couple times when we cuddled for a few minutes afterwards, but not tonight.

As I left the building I was still sorta out of breath from fucking him… But it was a decent fuck, and I needed that.

There was a gangbang I was sorta hoping to get invited to tonight, but another top just texted me and said it was a “fiasco”, so I’m now happy I didn’t get invited…

Well, I’m back to being horny and wanting to hookup. Started last night, but I had other things to do last night, so tonight I was looking, but for some reason there weren’t a lot of options (I even looked on Manhunt). Finally this Brazilian guy from Adam4Adam who lived just over the Bridge in New Jersey said he’d come over… He didn’t have a fave pic in his profile, but asked for my e-mail address and said he’d send one. Thing was, I didn’t get it even though he said he had sent it.

He called and then came over. When he arrived I knew there was going to be a problem. Let’d just say he was short and Latin, but I wasn’t into him. His profile said he ws 38. I’d add about 10 years to that and he wasn’t aging all that well… I had him come in, showed him into the bedroom. We took off our clothes then I realized he was a smoker (who wanted to kiss)…

After a while, he sucked my dick a bit, but I wasn’t responding. I hadn’t taken a pill or anything ’cause I didn’t think I needed to ’cause I was pretty horny. But this guy just wasn’t doing anything for me. I figured I’d try to eat his ass to see if that would help. I went down only to find it didn’t smell all that clean. I sorta played at rimming, not wanting to get too serious if his hole was dirty…

I put a fair amount of spit on his hole, stood up and tried to fuck him. He said to go slow, but I just wasn’t getting in… So we went back to other stuff like him sucking my dick. Then we tried again and again I just wasn’t getting in. I wasn’t totally hard, but I was hard enough. So I fingered his hole and found he was incredibly tight. I think he was clenching, but who knows… Then as I was fingering him I felt shit up there…

That was the end of it. I said I didn’t think it was going to work and went into the bathroom to clean the lube off my dick. The had no intention of getting fucked. He didn’t clean out and he was clenching. And on top of that he didn’t do anything for me…

Hopefully I’ll find some decent ass tomorrow to make up for it…  ;)   At least I wasn’t the one who had to pay the bridge toll…

I don’t usually reminisce on the blog, but you’ll understand why by the time I’m done with the story…

I moved to New York in 1990 to go to grad school. When I came here I was pretty inexperienced sexually. I had had sex for the first time just 8 months before, and had sex with a total of 3 guys at that point. A one night stand who was “my first”. An older guy I dated for the Spring semester of my Senior year before he moved to San Francisco, and a party boy I dated over the summer before I moved to NYC.

New York was like a big playground and I was this shy, sorta geeky, guy who didn’t know how to make the most of it. In hindsight I really should have gone to the big sex (”j/o”) club everyone was going to, but it scared me. I was taking things at my own pace, which in hindsight was way too inhibited…

Long story short, I ran up credit card debt (in part by going out to see the ex-boyfriend who moved to SF) and by the end of January I needed money. I knew there was a respectable hustler bar over on the east side - Rounds @ 53rd and 2nd avenue, so I went there and started doing sex work which I did for about 9 months to supplement my income.

Despite the fact that I had dated someone who did drugs every weekend, I hadn’t done drugs until after I moved to NY - and then only X and only a handful of times. One of those times was the Saint-at-Large White Party. I went out to clubs a lot back then, but the White Party was huge. I had nothing but these skimpy white little shorts on that didn’t leave much to the imagination. I remember seeing guys walking around in K holes… And then there was him - this adorable Latino who I saw on the dance floor. He was muscular, very little body fat, short, great smile - in other words totally my type (even today). I’ll call him “Alex”, but that’s not his real name…

He liked me, I liked him and we left the dance floor together. I was on cloud nine. From my perspective he was totally out of my league and here he was just wanting me. I had never had someone that hot want me before… We made out, talked (as much as you could in a club) and then he mentioned he was working the party - that he was a bartender and had to work the second shift.

If you know anything about circuit parties the White Party is up there and being a bartender at the White Party is about as good as it gets if you’re a bartender. When he had to go check in for work I followed him back into the kitchen and saw a guy from my gym. Alex asked me how I knew Jason and I said he went to my gym. I knew Jason managed a club - what I didn’t realize was that he had been the General Manager of the Saint, he was then the manager of the Saint-at-Large, and he then became the General Manager of the Roxy until it closed a couple years ago. Funny how small the world is - even in a city like New York. Anyway, Jason was Alex’s boss.

Alex then went on duty. He’d sneak me a drink every now and then, but there was a guy watching him and he could really only give me soda… Finally, I went home. Since I couldn’t really hang out with him and didn’t have any intention of hooking up with anyone else, there wasn’t any point in staying once I had gotten the dancing out of my system.

The walk home was magical. I was in love (so to speak), it was sunrise, snow was gently falling, and I was coming down from a wonderful high on X. If you’ve been in NYC on a quiet morning when it’s snowing you’ll know it’s really special even when you’re not high and coming home from meeting a really hot guy… The City gets really quiet when it’s snowing… As I walked through Times Square the lights were brightly flashing, and the subway generators, which you can’t even hear on a normal day, seemed incredibly loud.

It was puppy love - infatuation - whatever you want to call it. It only lasted for six weeks, but it was a really memorable six weeks… On the plus side - he was bartending at Uncle Charlie’s which was one of my favorite bars (and a really popular bar back then), and then he quit there and started bartending at the Roxy. In fact some nights he was the only gay bartender at the Roxy. The owner was straight and tended to hire straight guys who’d sorta half way pretend to flirt with the gay guys to get good tips. And then right about the time we broke up he started bartending and then go-go dancing at a club named Parallel Bar where John Blair was throwing parties (but it turned out to be a bit of a flash in the pan).

Sexually things were pretty intense. He had this wonderful uncut cock that was always hard as steel. Back then I was “versatile”, but he was always a top with me. My memory is pretty fuzzy, but I’m pretty sure he’d always want to fuck me raw, but I’d always put a condom on him when he fucked me (we’re talking the height of the AIDS crisis). At some point before I met him I had gotten a tear “down there” and wasn’t the best bottom, and I always felt like he wanted more from me sexually. Maybe it was just my insecurities - I don’t know…

There were some notable firsts with Alex… He showed me how to trim my body hair with a beard trimmer. I still have a trimmer just like the one he used on me that first time. He taught me to use black hair care products to style a short “Chelsea boy” haircut. And he had me buy my first pair of combat boots…

But there were some downsides - he worked weird hours. Even though he’d been here for years his English was pretty rough and it was hard to communicate. That was particularly difficult when I went out with his friends and they were all speaking Portuguese and I didn’t have a clue what was going on around me. We were also just very different. I still remember him always watching this “feel good about yourself” sorta “spiritualist” who was on late night community access TV back then. I thought the guy was silly, but Alex was his #1 fan.

And the other big problem was that I was escorting and there were nights I needed to make money and he’d ask me what I was up to and I had to lie. I think he felt something was going on. It was, but it wasn’t what he thought it was… The escorting was also an issue ’cause I had started doing it a year after I had first had sex, which was confusing enough, and then I was trying to balance letting old men fuck me with having a hot go-go boy as a boyfriend…

Eventually he broke up with me. I was crushed - I’d see him out at the clubs and bars - he was friendly, but it was over. Curiously his next boyfriend was a blond Latino I had fucked the previous fall/winter. His English was really bad too - and they didn’t last long together since one spoke Spanish and the other Portuguese and neither spoke English all that well.

A few years later (’94/’95) I was at a gym and saw him. He had moved to Miami, but was in town for some reason. I still remember his face lit up when he saw me. There was a chemistry between us, even if we weren’t meant to be…

Fast forward 13 or 14 years to last night. I get an e-mail with pictures the new models on ManifestMen.com. I go and download some of them - there’s Zeb Atlas, and a few other guys. Loving Latinos like I do, I download pics of this one guy they call “Alexandre” and as I’m looking at the pics I realize it looks a lot like the guy I dated. He had been on a club flyer back when he was go-go dancing which I had kept, and I pulled it out and I’m almost certain it’s the same guy. It’s 17 years after the picture was taken, but the mouth is the same, his facial features are really similar. His body has changed a lot over those 17 years - far bigger and more ripped now.

I don’t know if he’d even remember me, but I’m just glad to see he’s still around and looking well…

Here are the recent pics of him from ManifestMen.com…

And here are the pics of him back in 1991…

Since some of you will find this interesting - here’s pics of what I looked like back then. These are from a photoshoot I did for Playguy within a few months of dating Alex… I did the photoshoot ’cause I was tired of having guys fuck me for money, but the photographer (Roberto Romo) fucked me in the middle of the shoot. I went away thinking it was pointless - I didn’t avoid getting fucked and now my pictures were going to be public. The reason why my ass looks so puckered is ’cause it’s freshly fucked

What’s funny is how insecure I was back then. I really didn’t think I looked all that hot. But looking at the pics, I’d totally fuck that…

So how’s that for a blast from the past? Don’t see an ex for over a decade and he winds up on Manifest Men. It really is a small world…

Load 2008-52

I ordered some new pills on Monday and they came two days later on Wednesday, but for one reason or another I didn’t hookup until Friday. (Sorry I’m just getting the post up now - I was out of town yesterday)…

So Friday late afternoon I was looking for some ass to fuck and not having an easy time finding it. When I just couldn’t find a hole I wanted to fuck on BarebackRT or Adam4Adam (lots of potentials, but nothing definite), I finally succumbed and checked out Manhunt. It was the last day of my paid membership so there weren’t any restrictions. I noticed a guy who I’d fucked before was online which in his case meant he was looking, so I e-mailed him and the first e-mail back from him was “yes” and the second one confirmed the address and time. [Just what I like, a guy who doesn't beat around the bush.]

I had actually taken one of the new pills before I noticed him (I was determined to fuck someone). I didn’t know how it would work, so I figured I’d give it a little time. It said to take it at least 30 minutes before but around the 30 minute mark I was about to go out the door and didn’t see any “improvement” down there, so I put on a leather cock ring just in case.

By the time I got to his place I could feel a bit of a bulge down there and knew it would be fine. With the old pills I’d take 2 of the recommended dose of 3 and would do just fine, but this was a one pill sorta thing. I was a little worried if this was and improved formula, that it would work too well…

I get up there and like last time he greeted me at the door in a towel. He’s sorta cute - short latino with a lot of tattooes and the best part is that he’s way cuter than his pics. I notice there’s a sling in the hallway - didn’t remember that from last time - made me wonder how often he’s just laying in the sling waiting to get fucked. As I’m taking off my clothes I see he has “What I Can’t See 2″ from Treasure Island playing on the TV. This guy was blindfolded and getting fucked (it’s a good DVD).

The guy’s bed was covered in sorta a black heavy plastic S/M style play sheet. I know the guy can be pretty hard core, but I wasn’t really looking for that… After a quick blowjob, he laid down on the bed (on his back) and I started playing with his body. He’s got a big uncut dick which was rock, so I sucked on that for a bit. His nipples had seen some serious use, and I was playing with those as well. It felt like there was “chemistry” between us, which as much as I like fucking anonymous holes, felt nice. I was envisioning taking a boyfriend like him out to some sex club and watching him take loads from whoever wanted to fuck him…

Eventually his legs went into the air and it was clear he wanted to get fucked. I started by rimming him - his hole looked like a nice loose “slot” that had seen just the right amount of use. After rimming him a bit, I got a bunch of spit on his hole and some on the head of my dick and shoved in.

I should mention I had gotten rock hard pretty quickly and had zero trouble staying that way. So it just sorta aimed my dick at his hole and shoved in no problem. He felt good and we were kissing a lot while I fucked him. There sorta seemed like there was this chemistrty between us.

I was so close to cumming quite a few times but I held off, but eventually I unloaded in his hole. It had been a few days since I’d cum, so he got a nice big load. But since I had taken the pill and had a cockring on there was no way I was getting even a little bit soft, so I just kept fucking him.

His ass was all cummy and felt really great. That plus the chemistry made things sorta intense. A few times I pulled out and felched my cum out of his ass (tasted good and since there was no lube in there it was nice and bitter). At one point he reached down, got some on his fingers and tasted it so he could taste my cum…

This is where the “problems” started… I wasn’t going soft - not in the least. I had blown my load like 10 minutes before and was still rock hard. All I could think to do was keep fucking him (which I did). It felt really great since his hole was all cummy, but after a while I sorta got tired of fucking. He was just laying there - not really interacting with me all that much and after a while the “chemistry” sorta wore off as well. I didn’t feel the same connection with him I felt earlier.

Finally I pulled out and he sucked my dick clean (since it was all nice and cummy). Then I told him to sit on me and ride my dick. He did it for a little while, but didn’t really seem into it. His raging hard on from earlier has sorta gone limp, and then he got off and just seemed to want to watch the porn on the TV.

That was my queue to leave, so I got up and stuffed my rock hard dick into my pants and left… It’s almost like the fact that it didn’t go down much at all sorta changed the chemistry and became a problem. If he had been a little hungrier it coulda been a great thing - he could have gone to town riding my dick and sucking it, but he seemed to just want to watch porn.

Oh well, at least most of the hookup was really good…

Been in a weird mood sexually the past few days. Sorta horny - and when I jack off to porn I can sometimes get rock hard and it would be so easy to cum. But then other times nothing gets me hard.

My theory is that the pills I was taking had something in them that’s lacking in my body. When I get a regular dose of whatever the magic ingredient is I have no problem getting hard, staying hard, and giving bottoms loads. I can even perform well when I’ve taken the pills days before. The fact that I stopped taking them and had no problems for a couple weeks tells me, whatever the magic ingredient is - that it stays in your system. I’m just not getting whatever that is in my regular diet.

But today, for the second time in a row, I had problems getting hard with a bottom. It was the Brazilian guy from the neighborhood who’s a regular fuck buddy. While I did get hard enough to fuck him for a bit, there’s really no point in going into the details ’cause not much of anything happened.

Before he actually even came over I had ordered more pills. The ones I was taking are no longer being sold, so I had to try the new type of pill by the same manufacturer. Hopefully it will work as well as the old one.